Nine Questions or Phrases That Tilt Poker Players
In this article, we take a look, and possibly a listen, at nine questions or phrases that are enough to have seasoned poker players tearing their hair out in frustration. In no particular order, let's get this tiltfest on the road.
English author Edward Bulwer-Lytton is credited with the metonymic adage "The pen is mightier than the sword," a saying that means communication is often a more effective tool than direct violence.
In this article, we take a look at nine questions or phrases that are enough to have seasoned poker players tearing their hair out in frustration. Therefore, it's Matthew Pitt who is credited with "the tongue is mightier than a bad beat!" In no particular order, let's get this tiltfest on the road.
"How much did you lose?"
Picture the scene. You go into the office on Monday morning after a profitable Sunday session on Betfair Poker. You're stood by the photocopier talking to Derek from accounts and you let slip a brag about winning $550 from online poker. Derek's response?
"How much did you lose?"
"I didn't lose, Derek. I won $550."
"But how much did you lose overall?"
"I didn't lose you moron! I won $550, what is so difficult to grasp about the concept of winning?"
"Sounds like you lost to me."
"I put you on ace-king"
I raise, Fishy McFishison three-bets, I four-bet and he five bet jams with 6s-6c. I snap-call with Kd-Kh and when the board runs out Ad-Js-9d-9c-6d to crippled me on the money bubble, our new enemy types into the chat box, "I put you on ace-king."
No you didn't. You didn't even give my holding a second thought.
If I had a dollar for every time some pesky peasant jammed a small to medium pair into my queens, kings or aces and got there, I would be a rich man. Actually, that's probably a lie. In fact it's a blatant lie, but you get where I am coming from.
"But they were suited!"
How many times has a complete donkey caught a flush to beat you, but caught a flush with some ridonkulous hand such as 9d-4d?
"Nine-four? Really?"
"But they were suited!"
Great, you added an extra couple of percent of equity to your pathetic hand. This saying has become so widespread that "but they were suited" is now a long-running joke; an unfunny joke.
"What's the most you have won or lost in a day?"
Another question that non-players like to ask poker players is how much they have won, or lost, in a single day. Unless you are a poker player yourself and are ready to divulge that information to the person you are asking then you have no right to ask it yourself.
What would your response be if I came up to you and asked how much you got paid last month? Or what your hourly rate is at work. Exactly.
Will you show me your poker face?
No. Next.
"Can you try double this £150 for me?"
Never tell family or friends that you play poker online for real money or they are bound to ask you to try and double £50-£200 for them at some point.
What happens if I lose this money? Why don't you go to work as normal but when you get paid at the end of the month you give me £200 just for being nice? No? Didn't think so.
"Why do you play poker when it is all luck?"
Believe it or not, there are people out there who think poker is 100% luck. Some of them are congressmen in the United States of America, some are lawyers; all of them are stupid.
Try not to get into an argument with anyone who says poker is all luck. Do not ask them why the best players in the world win in cash games consistently or go deep in tournaments all the time because you will be told that these players are luckier than the rest of us. OK. Yes they are. Happy now?
"I knew the *insert card* was coming. I could feel it!"
Everything in the Universe has to be kept in balance otherwise things get messy. On Earth, what goes up must come down, matter cannot be created or destroyed it simply changes form, and while good poker players cannot see into the future weak ones are psychic.
"I knew I was going to flop two pair with my nine-deuce, I could sense it."
Really? Honestly? You'd be better off going on national TV and talking to people's dead relatives, mate.
Can I use my one time?"
Another long-running joke is players requesting to use their "one-time." For those of you who don't play poker, the using of the one-time is pleading with the Poker Gods to allow their hand to either remain best so they can win the pot, or to come from behind to win the pot. It's usually reserved for meaningful hands, such as massive pots or at the end of a tournament.
The problem lies in that every single poker player, myself included, has used at least 10 "one-times" since they started playing and asking to use one winds people up so much they are in danger of self-combusting. Don't do it. It's not big and it's certainly not clever.
Can you think of any poker terms and phrases that wind you up? Let us know in the comments box.
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