Ashes Series Tips: Ed Hawkins analyses the markets after Australia go 2-0 up

• Australia on course for 5-0

• England mentally shot already?
• Bazball now a toxic strategy
• Don't miss our dedicated Ashes section HERE

Zero win in 17 Tests Down Under for England

After just six days of cricket, England have become unbackable in an Ashes series in Australia. It ordinarily takes a little longer than that but there is a familiar sense of déjà vu for gamblers following this series. And it's not the peculiar affects of those who have to turn the body clock upside down.

England have won precisely none of their last 17 Tests in Australia. The latest chastening defeat in Brisbane ranks somewhere in the middle of the spectrum which ranges from disgraceful to incompetent.

No matter what the tactics are, no matter who is coach, captain or the personnel, the result is the same every four years. All Ashes series provide is the opportunity for a nice little earner for consultants brought in to do a root and branch review of the national side. In 2029 it will be the same again.

For the next three Tests gamblers are left with the unenviable prospect of trying to find value in a series which is likely to have all the competitive heat of the average nighttime temperature of the Mother Country. Your scribe, for example, has provided match previews for each of the three previous series and it can get pretty samey from here on in.

At least there is much to discuss about what an Australia team who can return Pat Cummins and Nathan Lyon to the team could do to this England circus. It's worth repeating: Australia are only now about to field their strongest team. 

It is no surprise that 5-0 Australia is now the 13/82.63 favourite. Most irritating about this rinse and repeat is the fact that Glenn McGrath, a man who couldn't spell analysis, looks likely to be right. Again.

Now, if McGrath had informed us to the genuine reasons as to why England would be swamped in this series, instead of treating his slot as a stand-up routine, we might all have been on.

McGrath could, for example, have argued that England were poorly prepared having had one warm-up match before the first Test in Perth on a wicket which was the complete opposite to the one they would face. Or he could have told us that the plan not to play a pink ball match in preparation was a grave error.

Bazball has broken England

What would have been as insightful was the potential impact of the Australia press and public on this England group. How were they going to cope with being hounded on- and off-field? What does it do to the opposition's mental state? McGrath has seen and heard it so many times.

What he perhaps couldn't have predicted, however, was that England would, so early in the piece, doubled down on a bullheaded refusal to graft in this series. This England team will not do the grim, unenjoyable hard work to win Test matches. It is immensely tiresome.

Instead theirs is a testosterone-fuelled approach full of folly and ignorance. They're like the bulked-up gym brutes on Instagram pushing potions or half-wit political conspiracy theorists on X. They're a toxic combination of machismo, privilege and indulgence.

England's tactic is: hit ball hard. Bowl fast. Pop veins. Aaaaarrrgh!

Test cricket has, and always will be, more than that. It might pay off for half an hour here. Or half an hour there. The problem is that McCullum and Stokes have raised a group of adrenaline junkies who just need another hit. Batting for an hour for 10 is like going cold turkey. Hitting the same sixpence for a five-over spell like Michael Neser? The sweats.

Not all England players are addicts. Other seems to be just trying to fit in or be part of the clique. There does seem to be a pressure to be aggressive with the bat, to play a certain way. In that regard Bazball has come full circle. It was an antidote to the pressure of a struct rule-based regime on- and off-the-field during Covid. But Bazball is now just another set of rules for batsmen. Does it suit Ollie Pope, Harry Brook?

The latter, one suspects, is perhaps using Bazball as an excuse. It's the way I play. Giving elite athletes an 'out' or escuse to fail will be gobbled up by those who might not be coping well with expectation. 

Maybe rain will save them somewhere, which will make the 4/15.00 about 4-0 appeal. The 4-1 scoreline is 13/53.60 but Lord only knows how England get a win from here. 

Now read Ed's Ultimate Guide to The Ashes