Football Food For Thought / Dan Fitch / 17 November 2009 /

Dan 'The Betting Man' Fitch is still furtively sniggering at the news of Frank Lampard's freak injury, but takes time out to look at some of the other strange ways in which footballers have damaged themselves.

Had I heard 20 years ago that one of England's top players had been injured before a game against Brazil because the FA had booked a budget flight, I'd have been incandescent with rage that this penny-pinching attitude had affected the national team.

These days however, the fact that so many of the England team are so unlikeable, meant that I was less than sympathetic when I heard of Frank Lampard's recent injury. In fact, I think my exact reaction was to throw my hat high into the air and begin writing a letter of thanks to the FA.

Of course the FA have subsequently denied that Lampard's injury had anything to do with their flight with the Wright Brothers, after their prudence rather blew up in their face, when Chelsea started talking about issuing a compensation bill of £900,000.

Such a price certainly seems a little excessive. Chelsea are still the favourites at [2.0] to win the Premier League and shouldn't be that troubled by Lampard's absence considering the strength of their squad.

As for Frank, he can concentrate on his fledgling relationship with The One Show's Christine Bleakley, with only the threat of some barbed comments from a jealous Adrian Chiles on MOTD 2 to worry about.

I've always been a fan of injuries picked up in mundane circumstances. The most famous one is the Dave Beasant salad cream incident, when the former Wimbledon keeper let the summer condiment slip through his hands and arched his foot as if to control it.

The result was ruptured ankle ligaments and two months on the sidelines. Still, at least his dinner wouldn't have got cold whilst he was in hospital.

There seems to be something about goalkeepers and freak injuries. Brentford's Chic Brodie suffered a career ending injury when he collided with a sheepdog that had run onto the pitch, breaking his kneecap.

Then there was Santiago Canizares who missed out on a place in the Spanish World Cup squad in 2002, after he accidentally smashed a bottle of aftershave and a piece of the glass somehow managed to sever a tendon in his big toe.

Kasey Keller knocked out his front teeth when pulling his golf clubs out of his car and David James once pulled a muscle in his back when reaching for his remote control.

Watching television can be a dangerous business for a footballer. Robbie Keane ruptured his knee cartilage when stretching for his remote, whilst his Spurs team-mate Carlo Cudicini also suffered a knee injury when trying to change channels.

It's a good thing that Cudicini's hands are currently in plaster, as otherwise he could be leaving hospital with more injuries than he went in with.

As for my favourite, there's a few contenders. Charlie George cut off his big toe with a lawnmower and Darren Barnard was out for 5 months after slipping on his puppy's urine.

Rangers' Kirk Broadfoot suffered facial burns after an egg that he'd microwaved exploded in his face and Norway defender Svein Grondalen missed an international after colliding with a moose while jogging.

There's only one winner though, as it combines DIY with surgery, which are two things that should surely never mix.

Darius Vassell was suffering from a blood blister under his big toe, when he had a brainwave. The hapless striker used a power drill to drill through the nail and drain the wound. This is not an unusual procedure, but one that is normally performed by a doctor under sterile conditions, rather than an over-zealous footballer just back from B & Q.

The result was Vassell picked up an infection and had his nail removed, missing several games. At least in his case he could rest well in the knowledge that he probably wouldn't have scored anyway.

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