10 reasons why Wagner must win The X-Factor

X-Factor / Dan Fitch / 29 October 2010 / 10

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Wagner's stage is set.

Dan Fitch examines the reasons why Wagner must win the X-Factor.

The X-Factor features a number of decent singers this year, but there is only one act that we tune in for.

That man is Wagner: A Brazilian god who looks as if he has been chiseled out of the finest walnut and who reeks of masculinity, even when singing Ricky Martin songs.

A talent like this deserves to win the X-Factor and here are our 10 reasons why we think that he will.

10. The internet loves Wagner

Wagner's price to win the X-Factor plummeted this week after word spread of a Facebook campaign for the tone-deaf Brazilian to win the show. After Rage Against The Machine became Christmas number one, merely because a nation wished to irritate Simon Cowell, who would bet against lightning striking twice?

Our hero is now available at a price of [40.0], having been earlier matched as high as [500.0].

9. He is a karate expert

Wagner used to run a windows and conservatory firm near Dudley, but such an enterprise was never going to be enough to satisfy a man of his standing.

He eventually opened his own martial arts and dance school, where he would teach karate. Here is a picture of Wagner putting the children of the West Midlands through their paces.

8. Apocalypse Now is a better film with the real Wagner's music

Yes, Ride Of The Valkyries is a pretty frightening accompaniment to a helicopter attack, but it has nothing on the terror that can be induced by the sound of a man playing the bongo drums whilst singing Love Shack.

7. Louis Walsh doesn't know his name

The Irish mentor with the curiously coloured hair, just can't get his head round the fact that not every word is pronounced the way that it's spelling suggests.

It certainly doesn't help to convince the audience that the X-Factor mentors spend a lot of time working with their acts, when Wagner has to correct Louis on the pronunciation of his name every single week.

6. The other contestants are ganging up on him

Wagner moved out of the X-Factor house after complaining that it smelled. Could the mysterious smell have anything to do with what lurks under Matt Cardle's hat?

John Adeleye has stated that Wagner caused divisions within the house and accused him of making crude sexual jokes about Danni Minogue and Cheryl Cole (let's face it - who hasn't?), upsetting the virginal pop princesses Belle Amie.

Just because you're back in your day job mopping up old ladies' wee, doesn't mean that you have to be bitter John.

5. Wagner looks like a celebrity

It's all very well being able to sing like a star, but if you don't look the part then you're never going to get anywhere. Wagner has confirmed his star quality by looking exactly like a number of famous celebrities.

4. He may soon have a top brand of cider named after him

It is debatable as to whether the campaign for Wagner to win the X-Factor will prove successful, but another Facebook plot might have more chance of a result.

Some bright spark has launched a campaign to petition the cider makers Magners to temporarily change their name to Wagners. Here's what a bottle would look like.

3. He has already taken on Simon Cowell and survived

If an X-Factor contestant crosses Simon Cowell they normally don't last much longer on the show, but Wagner is still fighting despite landing himself in hot water.

Our favourite Brazilian was the victim of a treacherous friend, who taped a private phone conversation between them and sold it to The Sun.

The front page story featured Wagner asserting that Simon Cowell decides who will win the X-Factor and that there was no bread in the house because "Louis has shoved a baguette up his a**e."

2. This photo of a young Wagner holding a lion by its tail

What a man...

1. Stephen Fry loves Wagner

If the learned and erudite national treasure Stephen Fry has such a profound love of Wagner, who are we to argue?

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leanna | 05 November 2010

I don't agree with what you are doing as it affects a once in a life time opportunity for the contestants who are voted off. And I believe that Karma could come back and bite you all in the butt when it is your time for an opportunity. However, I have to say, this top ten list was the funniest thing I've seen. Very creative. I am disgusted and laughing at the same time if that is possible. Best to not watch the show if it is bugging people. Who needs bad Karma. It is not worth the temporary laughs.
shish kebab | 12 November 2010

Loads of people have said that Wagner doing well could cost the others singers.

But what about his shot? Why are they more worthy than him? I mean, come on, they're nearly all crap anyway.

It's a talent show, lighten up.
Anonymous | 14 November 2010

he cannot sing and i dont get why he is on the x factor anyway. stupid louis walsh, he has no taste in music whatsoever!
Mike | 18 November 2010

Er..... people its a game show, stop taking it so seriously!

He's crap but so are all the rest, real artists wirte the songs, write the music, perform their own songs, have creativity, its not just about having a good voice.

If it was then all the backing singers in the world would be famous, its called x factor, not "best singer factor"

Madonna, Robbie Williams, Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, i could go on, all these people didnt have the best voices in the world, but they had an x factor, something which made them connect to the public.

So no, i dont care if some karaoke singers "miss their chance" if they real talent they would have worked there way through the industry not get this fast buck simon cowell nonsense
anon | 21 November 2010

what style of karate is this man meant to have taught and what is his grade?
Mags | 21 November 2010

I,m sorry but the show judges are making it worse by saving other acts that some of us are fed of. As a result, i,m now going to vote for Wagner solidly and I hope people vote for him too.
Anonymous | 22 November 2010

WAGNER IS 16/1 AT THE BOOKMAKERS VOTE FOR WAGNER TO WIN X FACTOR AND HAVE A VERY GOOD CHRISTMAS WITH SACKS OF MONEY
GOOD LUCK
Kall | 22 November 2010

To get far in the musical world is a hard thing to accomplish, X Factor is an easy way out for singers who may be mediocre or may not. Even if you don't win, you'll still get record labels kissing your feet.
Anonymous | 22 November 2010

Its the X Factor, nothing to do with singing or talent but something other than that, obviously Wagner has it!
Sak | 28 November 2010

If you guys want wagner out then vote hard for all the rest....