South Africa / Frank Gregan / 21 March 2011 /

The class, talent and resilience at the crease is there as it always has been but there's something a little bit different about Jacques Kallis in this World Cup. Frank Gregan investigates.

Jacques Kallis' batting average is just about nudging 30 and his bowling figures have been steady rather than sparkling during this World Cup. He's done ok but if he hits top form in the next couple of weeks then South Africa, the perennial bottlers, could be crowned World Champions.

There's every chance that he'll come good. Let's face it, he's proved he doesn't lack courage by stepping into the dressing room with a new head of hair! He had to have given his team-mates prior notice, he couldn't have just rocked up looking like Jon Bon Jovi, having said goodbye to them looking like Willie Thorne!

Perhaps not, perhaps he fronted it and just waltzed in and said "Hey fellas look, my hair grew back last night!" They say that playgrounds can be cruel. They are what they are, child's play compared to the dressing room where everything is fair game for a ribbing.

But it seems attitudes are changing. There's no longer any shame attached to fighting baldness with a little bit of help from a bedside rug. These days rolling around clinging to your sides whilst begging a team-mate to take off his wig before you soil yourself still happens but the 'wigee' brushes off the contempt. Syrups are now cool!

They're worn almost like a badge of honour and because they're no longer glued on (but woven in) and called a transplant, the 'wigee' is under the misconception that they're acceptable. But let's not kid ourselves, they're not real and if Kallis hadn't had it done, he would have been joining the 'swimming cap club!'

Of course he's not the first and he won't be the last. Doug Bollinger came in for heaps of 'gentle abuse' when his syrup slipped around like a curling stone recently. Has it deterred him? Not a chance. And why should it when one of the greatest Australian cricketers of all time is the leader of the baldy pack? "Hi, my name's Shane Warne - I've had a hair transplant and I don't give a monkeys!" Okay he's a bit more subtle than that but there's no embarrassment, au contraire. You can imagine Kallis, Bollinger and Warne doing a mean rendition of Gloria Gaynor's 'I am what I am' on karaoke night!

Whatever happened to taking the passage of time on the chin and growing old gracefully?

I'm probably just jealous. I've had a load of problems with my teeth from colliding with a goalpost to enduring a gum disease without treatment for ten days whilst on a military operation that has left me looking rough. I went bald at 35 and now I'm in my early fifties, I'm living proof of 'going to seed!'

All of these things could be fixed cosmetically but why? It's the thin end of the wedge. What would be next? Botox, liposuction, colonic irrigation and a gastric band? Sportsmen have gone crazy about image. Narcissism is the new gluttony! Who needs a Porsche when you can have a wig!

I remember a footballer telling me a story of how he got sacked by his manager (who is now a Premier League manager) for wearing red football boots! That kind of despotic management has been consigned to history. Players now take the lead and fashion is all the rage in sporting arenas. Some cricketers go out into the middle wearing more bling than a New York rapper!

Anyway, I digress. Jacques Kallis is back in action on Friday against New Zealand and he will be hoping to inspire the Proteas to a place in the semi-finals. South Africa are [1.39] whilst the Kiwis are available at [3.5]. The game will probably be closer than the market suggests and may well go down to the wire. And who knows, the difference between the two sides may be a hair's breadth. If so, Jacques will be able to step up to the plate!

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