As the news broke that the ECB had recruited former Australian coach John Buchanan on a consultancy basis, Frank Gregan had a think about just what sort of spying role he is expected to carry out ahead of The Ashes.

Intelligence is vital in wartime. Spies are invaluable and the finest are invariably indigenous to the enemy and have a deep underlying ideological reason to betray their Mother Country. Others just do it for shed loads of dosh and the birds!

Getting the spy out of his native country often involves a midnight rendezvous with a miniature submarine or a low level flight under the radar followed by a daring parachute descent. The ECB preferred a press release and a first class Qantas flight ticket whilst securing the services of their very own 007, a man who they hope will be able to give them an insight into the enemy camp.

Without a clandestine entry into the country a deception plan had to be formulated - this guy came from Australia, not 'From Russia with Love.' The cover story is that John Buchanan, the former Australian coach who masterminded the 5-0 whitewash in the last Ashes series is here to help the ECB look at its cricketing programmes and to assist with the Lions. The fact that his tenure is likely to be extended to cover the Ashes series is purely coincidental - yeah right! He is 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service!'

Buchanan looks more like a University Don than Daniel Craig which is fitting as he considers himself to be a Professor of Cricket. He is a strategist who studies the game from every conceivable angle, a huge believer in statistics, percentages and dossiers. He is an advocate of the boot camp mentality and reads poetry to the players in order to motivate them.

He never played cricket at test level and that immediately puts him at a disadvantage with an Australian side consisting of players that have little time for those that can talk a good game, but not play one. One of his fiercest critics is a player who played under him for many years - Shane Warne. It seems strange that these two never hit it off - Warne is a great student of figures (although they are usually scantily clad) and he should be a dab hand at poetry - I'm not sure about prose but text is his forte! He is also a huge fan of 'Octopussy!'

Buchanan is no respecter of reputations and he quickly made an enemy of Warne when he criticised his weight and his lifestyle. Shane could have taken the criticism on board and cut down to only 5 pies, 40 cigarettes and 200 texts a day! Warne owes his career to his fingers and the amount of turn that they are capable of producing, so he wasted no time in using them to good effect - he stuck two of them up in the direction of his coach. It should come as no surprise therefore that Warne sees Buchanan's switch of allegiance as a good thing - for Cricket Australia!

"I think that is a great move, because that means we have more of a chance," Warne said. "Hopefully Buck will be doing his stuff, overcomplicating things, I reckon that gives our chances a big boost and will make our boys hungrier." Wise words from 'Goldfinger!'

And Warne is not alone in thinking that the ECB's "M" has recruited poorly. Stuart McGill thinks that the two coaches (Buchanan and Cooley) who were the most effective during the 2005 series have swapped sides and that Australia have got the best of the deal. Troy Cooley (that name belongs in a Bond film) was responsible for bringing reverse swing to the party during that glorious summer of 05 as the England bowling coach but is now a member of the Australian coaching staff. McGill believes Cooley's input during the Ashes will be much more significant than Buchanan's.

England have been blowing three parts cold to one part hot for the last eighteen months and if they are to have any chance of winning the Ashes they need to find a consistent vein of form. Easier said than done, the Betfair market seems to be suggesting, with England trading at [3.6] to regain The Ashes and Australia at the [1.72] mark.

Until John Buchanan finds a poem about consistency to recite to the English players it may be more advisable to 'Live and Let Die' and invest your money at the Betfair 'Casino Royale!'

Comments (1)

1. rahul | 09 July 2009

   wonder from where do Buchanan get wierd ideas like multiple captains

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