X-Factor / Eliot Pollak / 17 November 2010 /

Crazy singer seeks support from crazy singer. it's another crazy week in X Factor land...

This morning's Times of London reports the exciting news that Prince William and Princess Kate intend to hold 'an austerity wedding'. In fact, the tightwad Prince even borrowed his dead ma's engagement ring, so he wouldn't have to cough up for a new sparkler. The trouble is, there is no doubt the occasion will be a pricey affair - the alcohol tab will run into the hundreds or thousands, and that is just for Prince Harry's table.

So our suggestion to Wills would be forget a band - simply hire the winner of this year's X Factor to belt out Angels etc. Such a move would go down a storm with the country, and should be fairly cheap. After all, who will want to see Matt the Hat by the time the clock strikes August?

Matt is of course right now the front-runner in this battle to play Wills' wedding, trading at [3.1]. But he has had a fairly subdued week. Rather, it's the judges who continue to make headlines.

Princess Louis has continued to sink his claws deep into the fellow judges' backs, by bitching about Cheryl's little rapper, Cher, insisting that she might look all sweet and thin, but behind the scenes she's a complete cow. Sounds perfectly cut out for the world of a popstar to us.

Walsh also seems convinced that if it came to a choice between Katie and Cher, Cowell would plump for Cher. Perhaps that is why Katie is trading at [2.16] to be this weekend's evictee, whilst Cher sits fairly safe, priced at [2.68] to hit the final four.

Speaking of the ragdoll Waissel, it's been another weird week in the life of KW. New information tells us that she went out drinking with Amy Winehouse the other night, who gave her career advice. She will presumably be taking lots of heroin before Saturday's show, before eloping with a string of rotters and ne'er do wells.

And what of our favourite, the mighty Wagner? It has been a fairly low profile week for the big dog himself as the tabloids have been busy with royalty. However he has seemed to antagonise the Sun by existing on incapacity benefit and being overtly sexually active.

Having at one point traded at [15.0], he is now a decent [5.6] to finish in the top three. Yet the negative slew of tabloid headlines suggests the Cowell PR machine is trying to turn the public against him, in the knowledge that he will be a commercial bereavement for Cowell's record label. You don't need me to tell you what needs doing kids...

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