X-Factor / Jack Houghton / 20 November 2010 /

Jack Houghton wonders whether we're all just puppets in a Simon Cowell-engineered world and tells us who his money is on this week, as he attempts to further twist the knife in the back of nemesis Mike Norman.

For two years they've clashed over the X-Factor. In 2008, Mike Norman prevailed. In 2009, Jack Houghton made it honours even. Norman's claims of foul-play last year sparked a brawl at the betting.betfair Christmas party. To avoid a repeat performance, the editors have decided to formalise things this year. Each armed with a £1,000 and their We-Love-You-Simon badges, Mike Norman and Jack Houghton go head-to-head - tipping their way to a Christmas number one."

Link to "Mike Norman":

Link to "Jack Houghton":

True story for you. Midweek, Mrs Houghton and I were enjoying a cafe con leche on the balcony of our apartment overlooking La Rambla (paid for from the winnings from last year's X Factor), when looking up from a day-old copy of the Guardian, she said to me: "It says here the Beatles are finally going to be available on iTunes."

"WTF," I replied (because I'm street like that), "that's awesome." (I love the Beatles. And I love iTunes. It was like hearing that Nigella Lawson and Greg Wallace (two other things I love) had decided to get married).

"How much do you want to bet that Cowbell cuts a deal with someone and makes it Beatles' Week on the X Factor?" I suggested. We both snorted knowingly. It was as if our nostrils all thought the same thought: Cowbell's good, but he's not that good.

Then, this afternoon, enjoying some early-season snow and a cheeky glühwein at our Swiss ski chalet (paid for on credit in expectation of more X Factor winnings this year), I was surveying the latest reality television news on my iPhone, and what did I see? "X Factor stars sing Beatles hits," I blurted out.

"W to the T to the F," Mrs Houghton gasped (because she's street like that), "the man is God." Indeed he is. And we are just mere subjects, suckling at the teat of his bountiful bosom.

Not that I'm suggesting there was any deal done of course. I'm just celebrating a rare moment of coincidental prescience on my part. But what if he really was that powerful? How frightening would it be? We couldn't trust anything anymore.

Take this week's news: the Cardle sex-addict rumours; the Westlife pyromaniac accusations; the Wagner being ejected from the X Factor house whisper; and the Waissel getting death-threats claim. What if they weren't really happening? What if Cowbell is simply deciding these things should have been happening? What if they are actually happening, but it is Cowbell who is causing them to happen? What if all our feelings of free will are just an illusion and that it is actually the mighty puppeteer Cowbell who is determining how, and when, our strings will be pulled?

Some will say - Catholics most likely - that this is nonsensical. And it probably is. But glühwein and altitude is a heady mix; so the mind went a-wandering.

It's made me nervous about tipping this week though. Adding to my apprehension is Mike Norman's latest offering. There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded animal and, down to loose change, he's having a last lash-out in the 9th Elimination market - punting on Mary or Paije to go. And although the thought of him staging a recovery turns my glühwein-poisoned stomach, I reckon he could be on to something.

I could just follow him in on those bets I suppose. But I didn't build up a European property portfolio by aping some common two-bit internet tipping monkey; so I'm going to stand upright and walk my own path.

At [2.0], Katie has to be value to finally get the boot. I'm having £30 on. And I have a sneaky suspicion Cher might not be nearly as popular as the judges would have us believe. At [95.0] she's worth a speculative £10.

Over to you Cowbell.

Betting bank running total = £650.20.

This week's recommendations:
£30 BACK Katie at [2.0] in 9th Elimination Market.
£20 BACK Cher at [95.0] in 9th Elimination Market.

Previous recommendations:
£70 BACK Matt Cardle at [5.1] in Outright Market - OPEN.
£30 BACK Cheryl Cole at [7.0] in First Mentor Eliminated Market - OPEN.
£50 BACK Matt Cardle at [5.4] in Outright Market - OPEN.
£50 BACK Rebecca Ferguson at [2.10] in Girls' Market - OPEN.
£80 BACK Mary Byrne at [4.10] in Top 3 Market - OPEN.

£20 BACK FYD at [34.0] in Outright Market - LOST.
£10 BACK Katie Waissel at [6.6] in Third Elimination Market - LOST.
£10 BACK Cher Lloyd at [60.0] in Third Elimination Market - LOST.
£20 BACK Belle Amie at [30.0] in Outright Market - LOST.
£50 BACK Belle Amie at [2.98] in 6th Elimination Market - WON.
£20 BACK Treyc at [7.80] in 6th Elimination Market - LOST.
£20 BACK Katie at [10.0] in 6th Elimination Market - LOST.
£30 BACK Katie at [4.0] in 7th Elimination Market - LOST.
£20 BACK Treyc at [3.5] in 7th Elimination Market - WON.
£30 BACK Paije at [2.04] in Paije v Treyc Head-to-Head Market - WON.
£70 BACK Aiden Grimshaw at [11.0] in Outright Market - LOST.
£50 BACK Aiden Grimshaw at [6.6] in Outright Market - LOST.

£70 LAY Wagner at [1.70] in Bottom Three Market - Week 3 - VOID.

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