X-Factor / Jack Houghton / 28 November 2009 /

Susan Boyle helps out the twins, Lloyd blubbers and Macca considers an appearance - but who will be eliminated from the X Factor in week eight? Jack Houghton selects the best bets.

What has happened to Mike Norman? Is he on holiday? In prison? Or is he - in the way of Jeffrey Bernard - simply unwell? Most likely he is quivering in a metaphorical gutter; feeling metaphorically robbed; wounded by the rat-a-tat-tat of my very real Magnum 45 tipstering of last week. Yes, the man who would usually fire his archaic arrow - later painting the target around where it lands - has not been heard from this week: dispatched, once and for all no doubt, by the great duelling gunman of modern reality show punting: Me.

Or he might just be on holiday. I'm not sure. In all honesty, I was flabbergasted when Lloyd was saved last week. An improved - but nonetheless average - performance, coupled with first-up billing (the X Factor coffin-slot), made him a virtual certainty to go. And so I was all ready for a resultant Norman-led midweek bashing (as in Mike; not a marauding hoard of Frenchmen).

But, last Sunday, someone looked down kindly on the followers of this column: and we now, once again, have the kind of X Factor portfolio Warren Buffett can only hanker after. Unless he reads this column. Which I imagine he doesn't.

Whilst collateral form lines don't offer the same kind of certainties in the X Factor as they might do in other sports, it's fair to say that a Joseph or Stacey elimination this week - with contestants singing two songs: one Elton John and one Take That - would be a shock. Unlike the other hopefuls, neither have been in the bottom two, and it's no surprise they are the front-runners in the Winner market.

Lloyd - a two-time sing-off contestant - is the most likely to go. But [1.76] offers no value: especially as producers will surely have to give him a later billing on this week's show. Olly, provided he doesn't do too much damage singing some insipid ballad should be safe; which leaves Danyl as the best bet to go. At [4.0], I'm having one point on the false-modest, gigantic-tongued doofus finally getting the boot.

If he does exit, that will leave our portfolio with three of the last four in contention, with only Stacey remaining to spoil the party. And, at this stage, I'm happy enough that Stacey, whilst popular, isn't enough of an entertainer or singer to outgun the three boys.

X Factor Newsville has been a bit uninteresting of late. The twins might be appearing on that jungle thing. And they might be getting a fashion label. And a book deal. There's even talk of them being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's a lot for them to think about. Luckily Susan Boyle has reportedly been on hand to offer them advice on dealing with the pressure of celebrity: advice which must be about as welcome as Michael Barrymore at a fraternity pool party.

Lloyd's been blubbering again: this time at Louis' comments on Sunday's show that he is "out of his depth". And, following in the footsteps of his Mum, who brandished Cowbell a racist last week; Grandma Daniels has now joined the fray, threatening to "smash the face of that effete little **** if he opens his smirking little leprechaun mouth again". Okay, she didn't really say that, but what she actually said wasn't very funny. So I changed it.

And Macca is in talks to come on the show. As in Paul McCartney, not Steve McManaman. Anyway, Beatles' fans will no doubt rejoice that the glittering stamp of authenticity that is an X Factor appearance is finally likely to come the band's way.

This week's recommendations:

1pt BACK Danyl at [4.0] in Elimination market - Week Eight.

Already Recommended:

4 pts LAY Danyl at [2.02] in Top 3 market.
1 pt BACK Dannii at [2.48] in Winning Judge market.
1 pt BACK Cheryl at [8.0] in Winning Judge market.
1 pt BACK Joseph at [12.0] in Winner market.
1 pt BACK Lloyd at [25.0] in Winner market.
1 pt BACK Olly at [3.4] in Over 25s market.
1 pt BACK Olly at [8.2] in Winner market.

Already Settled (+0.4 pts):

2 pts BACK Rachel at [2.7] in Bottom Two market - Week Two - WON.
3 pts BACK Rachel at [1.76] in Bottom Two market - Week Three - LOST.
2 pts BACK Lucie at [2.10] in Girls market - LOST.
1pt BACK John and Edward at [2.0] in Bottom Two market - Week Six - LOST.
2 pts LAY Lloyd at [1.36] in Bottom Two market - Week Seven - WON.
1 pt LAY Lloyd at [1.87] in Elimination market - Week Seven - WON.

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