Other / Maxliu / 04 January 2011 /

Following the news that Ronaldinho won't be moving to Blackburn Rovers - big surprise - we thought this was an ideal opportunity to discuss what else won't happen in 2011.

The coalition won't implode
The impact of the cuts will hit voters this year but predictions that the coalition will fall apart by the end of 2011 amount to wishful thinking. Expect more protests, dissent from senior Lib Dems and ministers arguing against each other over electoral reform; but for a government to truly rot from within, it needs to lose faith in its leader. So far, Dave Cameron has proved adept at floating above controversy, leaving other front benchers to absorb the blows and, with Labour playing the long game, [5.0] is too short for a 2011 General Election.

Manchester United won't win the Premier League

At the halfway point, Manchester United lead the Premier League table and remain unbeaten. However, they have their weakest squad since the days of Djemba Dejemba, have only won away in the league twice all season and the financial rumblings under the surface at Old Trafford may yet have an impact on team affairs sooner rather than later. Sir Alex's men go to Stamford Bridge, the Emirates and Anfield in the second half of the season and Chelsea should still not be written off from retaining their title at [6.6]. United are certainly too short at [2.06].

Andy Murray won't win a Grand Slam

Even if he never wins Wimbledon, Andy Murray should be immortalised in statue at SW19 for curing British tennis of its Henmanesque tendency to sanctimony. Sure, he didn't exactly learn his trade on the cracked courts of Compton and he's probably really about as Scottish as Princess Anne but he's a compelling character who wears his angst on his sleeve, has reached Grand Slam finals in the last two seasons and is [2.5] to go one better in 2011. Leave well alone though as I suspect Andy may end up winning a Slam late in his career, perhaps when we've all given up on him, not unlike Goran Ivanisevich at Wimbledon in 2001.

England won't win the cricket World Cup

International cricket tournaments rival extended episodes of the Archers for anti-climax. England put up a sterling effort to retain the Ashes Down Under and Andrew Strauss is on his way to becoming one of the all time great Three Lions captains. But despite winning the Twenty20 World Cup in 2010, England's record at tournaments is poor. They've reached the ODI final on three occasions without ever winning and at [6.6] they are unlikely to triumph this year.

The X Factor won't be Xmas number one

I've never seen the X Factor because I consider it beneath me. I do things that are beneath me all the time but one must draw the line somewhere and, for the record buying public, that line is 2011. It would have been great if John Cage's metaphor for closeted homosexuality in the age of McCarthyism had got to number one but it didn't and those of us still in the human community must now pick ourselves up, dust off the detritus of late capitalism and start practicing early to give ourselves a better chance of stopping the forces of Cowell next December. Personally, I like singing the Eagles at karaoke but that's not everyone's cup of cha so post your suggestions for what might stand the best chance of preventing another act of cultural vandalism sitting atop the tree this year.

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