Next Archbishop of Canterbury / Eliot Pollak / 05 April 2012 /

It's the top job everybody's talking about and which all the big dogs want - oh no, that's the vacant England managerial position - but we'll continue with the analogy anyway, so will it be Graham 'Hodgson' James, John 'Redknapp' Sentamu or Richard '' Chartres for next Archbishop of Canterbury. Eliot Pollak has a view

Perhaps the best line on the entire world-wide-web, can be found in the Wikipedia entry of Robert Alexander Kennedy Runcie, Baron Runcie to you and I, who served as the Archbishop of Canterbury between 1980-91. Following a couple of anodyne paragraphs about Runcie's WW2 heroics, Wiki cheekily tells us, "As a result, he is unique among modern Archbishops of Canterbury in having killed fellow human beings."

So there we have it. Even those who have violated the sixth commandment, are not necessarily ruled out of the running for the top job. That kids, is the modern church for you, although who knows whether the violation of commandment ten, coveting one's neighbour's ass, would be more problematic. That debate is ongoing as we speak.

Whilst the next Pope is declared through the rising of white smoke, the British, as you might expect, are slightly less dramatic. The Crown Nominations Commission (composed of 16 church-botherers), suggest a name to the PM, and he then goes to the Queen for her final approval. Assuming that all runs smoothly, Downing Street announces the appointment, and the new man is formally enthroned in Canterbury Cathedral. But who will it be?

The current favourite on the Betfair market is the Bishop of Norwich, Graham James [3.0]. After the current incumbent's fairly wacky behavior during his reign, James would be a sign that the Church fancy a quiet few years, with a man who won't rattle any cages. Consider him the Roy Hodgson choice.

The Harry Redknapp to James' Hodgson is undoubtedly Arry's fellow Sun columnist John Sentamu. A contender at [5.3], the man from Uganda is brash, confident, and a brazen self-publicist. At 63 however, he is even older than the man standing down. In addition, he has recently come out. Oh no, my mistake. He has recently come out against gay marriage.

Our tip however, is Richard Chartres, available at a tempting [15.0]. Chartres is the third-ranked Bishop in the C of E, and counts senior members of the Royal Family as some of his mates. Experienced at the highest level, he also dealt adroitly with the potential nightmare that was the Occupy movement camped out on the steps of St Pauls.

So those are the runners and riders. But before you throw your shekels around, ask yourself this: Is it really acceptable to bet on who the next Archbishop of Canterbury will be? Is that what the Anglican Communion's top gig should be about? Did he die in vain? The modern church hey .

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