The 5 worst Eurovision entries by the UK

Eurovision Song Contest RSS / Dan Fitch / 15 April 2011 / Leave a Comment

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The woman who erradicated famine with her voice.

The woman who erradicated famine with her voice.

Dan Fitch takes a look at the Eurovision Song Contest entries that embarrassed the UK.

It is occasionally rumoured that countries deliberately enter poor songs into the Eurovision Song Contest, to make sure that they don't win and have to take the financial burden of hosting the event the following year.

Such a policy would explain why a nation that has given the world The Beatles, has given Europe some of the most terrible Eurovision entries of all time. Here are the five worst Eurovision entries by the UK.

5. 1991 - Samantha Janus - A Message To Your Heart - 10th Place

In 1991 the UK decided to solve the problem of third world hunger by getting Samantha Janus to sing a particularly earnest song about the subject. As Janus is now famous for playing Ronnie Mitchell in Eastenders it is virtually impossible to listen to her lecturing us, without screaming 'At least I didn't steal a newborn baby!' back at her. Or maybe that's just me...

The song wasn't a total failure, reaching a respectable 10th place and also managing to get to number 30 in the UK charts, but ultimately Eurovision wants to see British blondes having their skirts whipped off, rather than acting like a third-rate Bob Geldof.

4. 2006 - Daz Sampson - Teenage Life - 19th Place

This was the UK's second experiment with Eurovision rap, following the far superior Love City Groove's entry in 1995. It's actually quite a likable and catchy song, but is sadly ruined by the performance of it's co-writer Daz Sampson.

Daz committed the quite common British rap crime of rhyming in an American accent, despite the fact that he hails from Stockport. He is also guilty of waving his arms around far too enthusiastically, like Eminem after too many Haribo. Finally there is the the fact that any bloke in his mid-thirties hanging around with a bunch of girls in school uniform, is going to to look creepy. I know the Europeans are open minded, but no one likes an old perve.

3. 1979 - Black Lace - Mary Ann - 7th Place

You might remember Black Lace for their eighties disco floor-filler Agadoo and their appearance in the peerless Rita, Sue and Bob Too. What you probably won't remember is their 1979 Eurovision entry, where they performed a half-decent song in a thoroughly indecent manner

They begin their performance with two of the band playing the same guitar. I've never seen this technique before and hope not to again. Then your attention turns to Black Lace's lead singer, who sports the face of Paul Daniels and the hair of Debbie McGee. Sounding like Rod Stewart singing through a paper and comb, his voice seems better suited to a raucous heavy metal number than the jaunty pop singalong he performs.

2. 2007 - Scooch - Flying The Flag - 22nd Place

Scooch were chosen to represent the UK at Eurovision via the medium of the reality show Making Your Mind Up in controversial circumstances, as Fearne Cotton pronounced them as winners of the show, only for doddery old Terry Wogan to simultaneously bellow the name of their opponent in a much louder voice.

Despite the confusion it was confirmed that Scooch had won with 53% of the vote, but you can't help but feel that Wogan had the right idea when he tried to pretend that they'd lost. If the purpose of Making Your Mind Up was to find a group that were even camper and more annoying than Steps, then it was a success. If however, the purpose was to find the next UK winner of Eurovision, it was a downright failure.

1. 2003 - Jemini - Cry Baby - 26th Place

Stating that Jemini finished in 26th place makes their 'achievement' sound better than it really was. In actuality they finished last and performed so atrociously at Eurovision that they became one of the very few entrants to receive a total of 'nul points' on the night.

Some would say that Jemini were unlucky to be representing the UK in a year when our involvement in the Iraq war made us even more unpopular than normal with the rest of Europe. Others would say that they didn't score any points because they sang completely out of tune. That second group of people are the ones that are right.

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