By the time you will be reading this, I will probably either be over the Atlantic or under the influence somewhere in Las Vegas - hopefully, not in or under the Atlantic anyway, or 'doing a Timmy Murphy' on the flight - but such is my professionalism that I will be still be here all week.
Trousered or not.
That Murphy story was told in some detail in Paul Nicholls' autobiography Lucky Break - let's just say the jockey didn't behave himself on the flight back from riding Cenkos in the Nakayama Grand Jump in Japan in 2002 (I am sure you will find the full story somewhere if you Google it, but prepare to be a tad shocked) - and let's just hope that none of my raiding party from the UK has a problem finding the toilet on the plane.
Because the only "p*ssing up" I want to hear about is when I ring a commentary line to find out how the following selections have fared.
However, if you do know of any Vegas bars that show the UK racing please do let me know. I must have been about 20 times now, and have never found one yet.
Mind you, I don't think I have ever looked, to be fair (ed: we're all jealous now Tony, move it along please).
Anyway, on to some excellent Channel 4 racing at Newmarket on Friday. I'll take today's column in chronological order, if I may, and I am going in two-handed with a couple of likely outsiders in the opener.
Newmarket 13:40 - Gifted Girl and Pelerin
My main fancy is Gifted Girl, who I am somewhat surprised to see in first-time blinkers, as I thought that she wasn't ideally placed on the outside at Yarmouth last time, rather than a lack of resolution being to blame for another below-par effort.
Back her at odds of 13.012/1 or bigger, regardless.
She does have two ways of running though, so they may help. And I'd be confident of her winning this race if returning to the form of her luckless second over 1m2f at Salisbury last month, where I think that she would have won convincingly with a clear run.
She has plenty of form over 1m on good or faster ground, so I am not worried about the trip, and she has smart course form, too.
Pelerin finished well behind Gifted Girl at Salisbury last time but I think that this strong-traveller could be well suited by the return to 1m, and first-time headgear here too - in her case cheekpieces - could see her confirm the abundant promise that she showed earlier in the campaign.
She rates a decent saver at 15.014/1 or bigger.
Newmarket 14:10 - Long View
The 1m4f listed race is big on numbers, but it definitely lacks a stand-out performer, and that is why I am prepared to give Brighton maiden winner Long View a chance at odds of 9.08/1 or bigger.
She is only rated 88 after that wide-margin win but she is certainly bred to be at home in this grade, being a Galileo half-sister to Golan and Tartan Bearer, and the form was given a boost of sorts when the runner-up was only just inched out at Lingfield on Tuesday.
Long View wasn't overly-impressive at Brighton but everything about her suggests that the step back up to 1m4f will suit her, and she is going the right way.
Newmarket 14:40 - Stroll Patrol
I went for a 16/1 touch on Stroll Patrol in the Sweet Solera. She was backed into 6/1 but the overnight rain scuppered her chance.
And then she shaped really well from off the pace when finishing third to New Providence over 6f at Salisbury last time, arguably being a little unlucky as she was also a bit of short of room close home.
She was apparently a very costly acquisition for Qatar Racing after her Leicester maiden win - I heard a figure of £250,000 mentioned - and I think that she can start repaying that purchase price here, especially as this extra furlong should suit her. Lucida is obviously the one to beat.
Back her at odds of 11.010/1 or bigger.
I think the last two races on Channel 4 are very tricky.
The Group 2 Joel Stakes at 15:15 has attracted a very classy 14-runner field in which you can give at least half a dozen a winning chance - my slight preference would be for Tullius - and I see a similar number of possible winners in the 15:45 if some disappointing and inconsistent sorts return to form.
So no bet here.
Recommended Bets
Back Gifted Girl and Pelerin at 15.014/1 or bigger in 13:40 at Newmarket
Back Long View at 11.010/1 or bigger in 14:10 at Newmarket
Back Stroll Patrol at 11.010/1 or bigger in 14:40 at Newmarket