World Cup Diary June 16: And then there's North Korea...

Korea DPR / Jonathan Wilson / 16 June 2010 / 1 Comments Free £25 Bet

We did it our way. North Korea do things differently to the rest of the teams at the World Cup.

Jonathan Wilson tells us why North Korea do things differently to the rest of the world. And that's not just the football...

"Don’t they realise the absurdity of the Dear Leader, Kim Jong-Ii?Surely they must? An entire nation – or, perhaps more accurately, half a nation, arbitrarily divided by a line on the map – surely can’t indulge in such a conspiracy of ignorance, can they? And if they do, can’t we just show them a DVD of Team America? "

North Korea fascinate me. Not particularly because of their performance last night - although that was highly laudable: magnificently organised, well aware of their own limitations, and having in Jong Tae-Se a centre-forward of genuine menace (see his two goals against Greece in a pre-World Cup warm-up if you need convincing) - but because I just don't get it. How can one country be so different to the rest of the world?

I remember Neighbours in the eighties when Paul Robinson was forever learning Japanese customs in order to complete the Udigawa Contract, but I've worked for newspapers and magazines all over the world, had colleagues from countries as diverse as Argentina, USA, India, South Korea, Japan, China, Turkey, Nigeria, Egypt, Russia, Romania and Serbia, and I've never had to learn how to bow or perform any other kind of elaborate greeting. Beyond the superficial, most people are essentially the same.

We may dress it up differently, but essentially if you're honest and straightforward with people, they're honest and straightforward back. Some of us relax with a pint, some with a glass of wine, some with a hookah, some with nothing more potent than a glass of hot milk, but basically we all like to relax and have a laugh after a day's work. We
all make jokes about human ridiculousness, and we all slag off our bosses. And then you have North Korea.

Don't they realise the absurdity of the Dear Leader, Kim Jong-Il? Surely they must? An entire nation - or, perhaps more accurately, half a nation, arbitrarily divided by a line on the map - surely can't indulge in such a conspiracy of ignorance, can they? And if they do, can't we just show them a DVD of Team America? These food shortages must erode faith, don't they? But even if they don't, how did the population ever come to accept the manifold ludicrousness of Kim and his father, Kim Il-Sung?

Kim is a man who attempted to solve the country's perpetual food crisis by breeding giant rabbits (apppetites: enormous; flesh yield: 15lbs), a man who claimed to have hit 11 holes in one in his first ever round of golf to shoot a 38-under par round of 34, a man who imports $750,000 of Hennessey cognac every year when the average citizen earns $900, a man who makes all schools stock text-books that insist he doesn't defecate and that rainbows spontaneously appeared in the sky when he was born. A cult of personality is one thing, but this is just silly. Surely somebody somewhere is saying, "Err, hang on..."

So far, the media have had no chance to find out, because the North Korean media management has restricted access magnificently. After initial complaints that there were no media opportunities, their first press conference was arranged for half-time during the opening match. Since then the only players who have been made available to
journalists have been Jong Tae-Se and Ahn Young-Hak, both of whom were born and grew up in Japan and play for Japanese clubs.

The 20 members of the squad who play in North Korea remain a mystery. What do they think? Is the rest of the world as bizarre to them as they are to us? Do they mock us because our leaders don't import a stream of Swedish prostitutes? And yet somehow, behind the weirdness, there is the sense that they could be a very decent team (they are
[17.5] to qualify for the last 16). Pre-tournament results were mixed, but against Brazil ([1.15 to qualify]) they suggested that they might trouble either Portugal ([1.73] to qualify]) or Ivory Coast ([1.93]), or, given their capacity to take the initiative remains untested, at least frustrate them. The Ivorians were rather better than I expected them to be, and the group remains wide open.

Tags: Jong Tae-Se . North Korea leader, Kim Il-Sung, North Korea football, North Korea goal against Brazil