Here are 10 sports trading cards you wouldn't want your mother to see.

10. The award for the baseball player who most sounds like he should be a character in the film Anchorman, goes to...

Peter LaCock

The former Chicago Cubs and Kansas City Royals first baseman Peter LaCock is the son of Peter Marshall, the legendary host of Hollywood Squares. Marshall was actually given the wonderful moniker Ralph Pierre LaCock, but changed his name when he got into the entertainment industry.

Despite being so ashamed of his LaCock heritage that he changed his name, Marshall rather strangely decided to name also his own son 'Ralph Pierre LaCock'.

LaCock Jnr, changed his first name to 'Pete', but thankfully saw the potential of his brilliant surname.

9. The 'no need to be boast' award, goes to...

Dick Pole

Dick Pole was a right handed pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and was part of the team that lost the 1976 World Series to the Cincinnati Reds.

The following season, Pole joined the newly formed Seattle Mariners. He is now the pitching coach for the Cincinnati Reds.

8. The 'what you'll get if you keep playing around with that dwarf prostitute' award, goes to...

Stubby Clapp

Richard 'Stubby' Clapp had a brief MLB career, playing for the St. Louis Cardinals, but made 911 minor league appearances.

In 2008 he came out of retirement to represent Canada in the Beijing Olympics.

7. The 'this guy really should be playing a sport that involves balls' award, goes to...

Ron Tugnutt

Ronald Tugnutt was a goaltender in the NHL for the Quebec Nordiques, the Edmonton Oilers, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, the Montreal Canadiens, the Ottowa Senators, the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Dallas Stars.

Tugnutt is now a hockey commentator on Canadian TV.

6. The 'you'll go blind if you keep doing that' award, goes to...

Woody Held

In a career spanning 15 years, Held played for the New York Yankees, the Kansas City Athletics, the Cleveland Indians, the Washington Senators, the Baltimore Orioles, the California Angels and the Chicago White Sox.

Held hit a total of 179 home runs from 1390 games, making him one of the top 500 home run hitters of all time.

5. The award for the two players destined to appear together on a baseball card, goes to...

Brandon Puffer - Jung Bong

Relief pitcher Brandon Puffer, has played for the Houston Astros, the San Diego Padres and the San Francisco Giants. He is currently a free agent and awaiting trial having been arrested for burglary, with intent to commit a sexual assault.

The South Korean Jung Bong, played for the Atlanta Braves and Cincinnati Reds in the MLB. He is now back in his homeland, playing for the LG Twins.

4. The award for having both names which sounds rude, goes to...

Dick Butkus

Dick Butkus may have a silly name, but he is regarded as one the best football players of all time and the greatest linebacker of his generation.

Butkus spent his entire career with the Chicago Bears. He was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1979.

3. The 'it's not the length that matters, but the girth' award, goes to...

Chubby Cox

Chubby had a brief career in the NBA, playing just 7 games for the Washington Bullets. The picture shows Cox during his spell with the Philadelphia Kings, in the Continental Basketball Association.

Cox is the uncle of current NBA star Kobe Bryant.

2. The 'this guy sounds like the title character from a porn movie based on the adventures of a hard-boiled private eye' award, goes to...

Johnny Dickshot

Dickshot turned out for the Pittsburgh Pirates, the New York Giants and the Chicago White Sox during the thirties and forties.

Regrettably for a man who probably took some ribbing for his surname, Dickshot's nickname was 'Ugly'. He died aged 87, in 1997.

1. The award for the baseball player whose name sounds most like a redheaded porn star, goes to...

Rusty Kuntz

Rusty was a Major League Baseball player for the Chicago White Sox, the Minnesota Twins and the Detroit Tigers.

In 1984, Kuntz was a member of the Tigers' team that won the World Series 4-1, over the San Diego Padres.

All those hours spent together in the showers and receiving rubdowns, is it any wonder that these masculine hunks tend to occasionally get a little too close?

As with everything on the internet, such moments have a name: Sporno.

Sporno is that split second in time when a photographer captures two strapping athletes becoming one.

Here are 20 Sporno moments that will make you want to get physical.

20. Two basketball players both straining to make the rim

19. Another stiff performance by Lampard in an England shirt.

18. "2-4-6-8, guess who this guy appreciates"

17. "Just stand still a moment, while I kiss you on the mouth"

16. Don Nelson clearly still has a few moves up his sleeve

15. "No, I'm telling you. That guy behind isn't watching us"

14. So it's not just Brooke that's sucking the Hulkster dry

13. "I'm sorry..."

12. Sunk into Phil's hole in one

11. "Hey Senor, form an orderly queue"

10. As is often the way, one guy is enjoying himself way more than the other

9. Goldenballs-deep

8. We've all uncorked too soon at least once in our lives

7. What happens when an innocent game of Twister goes too far

6. "So you play tight end?"
"Actually I'm a wide receiver"

5. Her parents must be so proud

4. The guy on the left was enjoying himself, until he became aware there was a camera on him

3. For once Shawn Michaels isn't the only sexy boy on display

2. "So you play for Orlando Magic? Well guess what I'm about to make disappear"

1. "Sorry for getting you sent off in the World Cup Wayne"

We may be in the midst of a global economic meltdown, but the world's top sports stars are still up to their necks in cash.

According to the Forbes list of celebrity wealth, here are the 10 richest sports stars in the world today.

10. Alex Rodriguez - Baseball - $34m per annum

The New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez is the youngest player to have ever hit 500 home runs. In 2007 A-Rod signed a record breaking 10 year, $275 million contract, to become the highest paid player in baseball history. The previous record was his existing contract with the Yankees, which paid $252 million.

In total Rodriguez's career earnings from baseball alone stand at $197,431,586. Add to that his lucrative endorsements with the likes of Nike, Rawlings and Topps and the 33 year old is sitting on a fortune.

Rodriguez divorced last year, amidst claims of an affair with Madonna. Following the split from his wife Cynthia, A-Rod placed their marital home on the market for $14.9 million, though he has since dropped the price to $12.3 million.

This at least proves that the rich and famous aren't entirely impervious to the credit crunch, but I think he'll get by.

9. Roger Federer - Tennis - $35m per annum

Roger Federer's ATP ranking may have slipped from world number 1 down to number 2, but Rafael Nadal still has some way to go before he can top the Swiss star in terms of earnings.

Having won 13 Grand Slam titles, Federer has coined millions in prize money and has sponsorship deals with Nike, Rolex and Gillette. His marketing company have claimed that Federer is the wealthiest tennis player of all time and he has been named as one of the 300 wealthiest people in Switzerland (an area where the neighbours tend to have a little dough).

Unlike some of his sporting contemporaries, Federer has kept his feet on the ground. In a 2007 interview with Sports Illustrated he admitted to not even owning a house.

8. Ronaldinho - Soccer - $37m per annum

Like Federer, Brazilian soccer legend Ronaldinho has been upstaged by young upstarts such as Messi, Ronaldo and Kaka in recent years, but he's still sitting pretty from the days when he was widely accepted as the greatest player in the world.

Ronaldinho has enjoyed massive contacts with soccer giants Barcelona and present club AC Milan, as well as commercial deals with Nike, Pepsi and Cadbury Schweppes. It is arguable that it has been the contentedness that comes with such wealth, which has been responsible for Ronaldinho's loss of form.

Still, at least the money has allowed an ugly guy like Ronaldinho to sleep with hundreds of beautiful women and live in this amazing house.

7. LeBron James - Basketball - $38m per annum

LeBron James was never going to be short of money from the day that he signed a $90 million contract with Nike, before he'd even made his professional debut. LeBron was the first pick in the 2003 NBA draft, joining the Cleveland Cavaliers.

At 24 years old, married to his childhood sweetheart and a father of two, clean cut LeBron is a marketing man's dream. James has stated that he intends to become the world's first billionaire athlete.

The home he is currently building is certainly fit for a billionaire. At 35,000 square foot, it's certainly roomy. Having knocked down the pre-existing 11 bedroom house on the site, LeBron's mansion will include a full size casino, a six-car garage and bowling alley.

6. Kobe Bryant - Basketball - $39m per annum

Kobe Bryant plays his basketball in Los Angeles and only a select few of Hollywood's great and good can claim to earn more than the Lakers' shooting guard.

Bryant saw many of his endorsement deals ripped up after he was accused of rape in 2003. The exception was Nike, who had just signed him to a 5-year $45 million contract prior to the incident. In addition to this, he is signed to a 6-year $71 million deal with the Lakers.

After the rape accusation, Bryant bought his wife Vanessa a $4 million diamond ring as an apology. It must be nice to get out of the doghouse so easily. Most of us would be on dishwashing duty for at least a month.

5. Kimi Raikkonen - Formula One - $44m per annum

Kimi Raikkonen became the highest paid man in motor racing when he joined the Ferrari team in a three year deal and earned his money when he walked away with the Formula One World Drivers' Championship in his first season.

The Finnish driver leads something of a playboy lifestyle and in 2005 got into trouble with his former employers on the McClaren team, when he began cavorting with a lapdancer at a London club, before embarking on his own strip show

Raikkonen is now settled down and married to Jenni Dahlman, a former Miss Scandinavia. Well, she would be enough to see anyone onto the straight and narrow.

4. Phil Mickelson - Golf - $45m per annum

If there was no one on earth named Tiger Woods, then Phil Mickelson would undoubtedly be even higher up this list. Mickelson picked up $10 million in prize money and $35 million in appearance and sponsorship fees.

Mickelson is something of a serial endorser, having given his name to Ford, Rolex and Callaway golf clubs amongst others. He has earned far more off the course than on it, but at least he spends his advertising bounty the right way.

In 2007, after hearing the story of retired NFL player Conrad Dobler and his family on ESPN explaining their struggles to pay medical bills, Mickelson volunteered to pay for Conrad's daughter Holli's college education at Miami University in Ohio.

3. Michael Jordan - Basketball - $45 m

Michael Jordan edges ahead of Mickelson on this list, despite earning roughly the same amount of money, due to the fact that he has actually retired from professional sport.

These days Jordan works as head of basketball operations for the Charlotte Bobcats, but the vast bulk of his income comes from royalties from the $800 million a year in sales of the Nike Jordan brand.

It's no wonder then that Jordan can be so free with how he spends his money. In 2005 author Richard Esquinas claimed he had won $1.25 million from Jordan on the golf course. In 2006 Jordan divorced his wife Juanita, who received a $168 million settlement.

2. David Beckham - Soccer - $50m

David Beckham is a global marketing phenomenon. Despite being a very good, rather than truly great soccer player, Beckham has amassed a huge fortune, due to his film star looks.

Though Beckham's base salary with LA Galaxy was only $5.5 million, the figure was more than doubled with his cut of the team's ticket, merchandise and sponsorship revenues. Add endorsements with Adidas, Motorola and Pepsi, to name just a few and Beckham has a huge yearly income.

Despite having recently signed a deal to spend much of his time playing on loan for AC Milan, Beckham obviously sees a future in the US, as he has recently stated that he might buy his own MLS franchise. Beckham lives in a $22 million mansion, in a gated community near to the home of Tom Cruise.

Unlike most famous sportsmen, his wife actually earns money, rather than just spending his. In 2007, Victoria was paid $20 million for the Spice Girls reunion tour. She is the 52nd richest woman in Britain.

1. Tiger Woods - Golf - $115 m

Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods, has won 14 major golf championships and 65 PGA tour events. Ranked as the number 1 golfer in the world, Woods is thought by many to be greatest player of all time.

He's also one of the most marketable. In 2000 he signed a 5-year $105 million contract with Nike, which at the time was the largest endorsement deal ever made by an athlete. Tiger also has deals with American Express, Buick, TAG Heuer and EA Sports, amongst many others.

Woods' company Tiger Woods Design creates golf courses around the world. The Tiger Woods Dubai will open in September of this year and features a a 7,700-yard par-72 course, a 60,000-square-foot clubhouse, a golf academy, 320 exclusive villas and a boutique hotel with 80 suites. There are further plans afoot to open golf courses in North Carolina and Kariba in Zimbabwe, with the latter expecting to cost $608 million.

According to Golf Digest, Woods made $769,440,709 from 1996 to 2007 and that by the end of the decade he will become the first athlete to have made over a billion dollars. If LeBron James thinks he can really pip Tiger to that title, then he'd better start buying lottery tickets.

Below is the very modest clubhouse at the Tiger Woods Dubai.

The Wrestler tells the tale of an ageing grappler, trying to come to terms with his diminishing fame and physical decline.

The film depicts exactly how tough the business of wrestling can be. The outcomes of the fights may be fixed, but the injuries are real.

In case you're in any doubt, here are 7 moments that prove wrestling really hurts.

7. Hulk Hogan tears his kneecap

Hulk Hogan was fighting in the WCW when he suffered a major injury in the 1999 Spring Stampede.

In a four-way match, Hogan was up against Diamond Dallas Page, Rick Flair and Sting. Diamond Dallas Page locked Hogan in a figure four leglock around the ringpost and it immediately became clear that the Hulkster was badly hurt.

As Hogan screamed in agony, Page released him. Flair then went to attack Hogan, but upon realising the extent of the injury, backed off.

Hogan was eventually helped out of the ring by medics, as he audibly screams "No, don't touch it. Don't touch the thing".

6. Stone Cold Steve Austin breaks his neck

In 1997 Stone Cold Steve Austin fought Owen Hart at Summerslam, for the WWF Intercontinental title.

During the match, Hart administered a tombstone piledriver that broke Steve Austin's neck. Though Austin returned to the ring shortly after, he was forevermore plagued by neck injuries, eventually forcing his retirement in 2003.

5. John Cena tears his pectoral muscle

WWE Champion John Cena tore his pectoral muscle in 2007, while executing a hip toss in a match against Mr Kennedy.

Cena continued to fight and won the match, only to be set upon by Randy Orton, in a scripted attack. Surgeons later found that Cena's pectoralis major muscle was torn completely from the bone and that the champion would be out of action for several months.

Cena was forced to give up his WWE title, ending the longest reign as champion in nineteen years.

4. Mick Foley barely survives Hell in a Cell

Known as 'the Hardcore Legend' Mick Foley has picked up more injuries than most. In 1994 he even lost two thirds of his ear, when his head got tangled between two of the ropes, in a match against Vader in Munich.

But it was a match in 1998 that Foley is most famed for. At The King of the Ring, Foley took on The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match, in which the ring is surrounded by a 20-foot-high, roofed steel cage.

The two began to fight on the top of the cage, with The Undertaker throwing Foley off the top on to an announcer's table. According to Foley, this was planned, but the next elaborate move was not.

Having climbed back on top of the cage, Foley was chokeslammed by The Undertaker and the cage gave way. Foley fell through the cage and hit the ring hard, before a chair that had been atop the cage fell and smashed into Foley's head, knocking out a tooth (through his nose).

Foley was knocked unconscious, but came round and was able to finish the match. He was later found to have kidney damage and a separated shoulder.

3. Hayabusa paralyses himself

In 2001 the Japanese wrestler Hayabusa suffered a life changing injury, during a match against Mammoth Sasaki.

While attempting a springboard moonsault, Hayabusa's foot got caught in the ropes and he landed on his head. The accident paralysed him and he was initially confined to a wheelchair.

Happily, Hayabusa seems to be making something of a recovery and is now beginning to walk again.

2. Sid Vicious breaks his leg

Sid Eudy (known in the ring as Sid Vicious, Sycho Sid or Sid Justice) was one of the major wrestling stars of the 1990s, in the WCW and WWF.

In 2001 Eudy's WCW title match against Scott Steiner, was the main event at the Sin pay-per-view show. It was alleged that prior to the match, WCW management told Eudy that he needed to broaden his arsenal of wrestling moves and suggested that he try an aerial manoeuvre.

Despite Eudy's apparent unwillingness to attempt such a move, during the match he climbed the ropes, as his paymasters had requested. Eudy leapt, landing his 300 lbs bulk on one leg, while kicking with the other. The result was that his left leg broke in half, as both his tibia and fibula snapped and the bone broke through his skin.

Two hours of surgery followed, in which a metal rod was placed into Eudy's leg. For a while, Eudy was forced to walk with a cane, but by 2004 he had returned to the ring and fought as recently as November 2008 in a match to celebrate Jerry 'The King' Lawler's 35th anniversary in wrestling.

1. The tragic death of Owen Hart

In 1999 the WWF star Owen Hart was involved in a tragic accident that shocked the world. Hart had been an established name in the wrestling world for several years, but was at this stage appearing under the moniker of the Blue Blazer.

Hart portrayed the Blue Blazer as a buffoonish, masked superhero character and on the night of the accident, was due to wrestle The Godfather in an Intercontinental title match in Kansas City.

In keeping with his superhero character, Hart was to be lowered into the ring from the rafters of the arena, via a harness and rappel line. Then when he reached just above ring level, Hart was to become intentionally entangled, before releasing himself from the safety harness and falling flat on his face in the ring.

Tragically, an error with the stunt harness triggered the release mechanism early, as Hart was being lowered towards the ring. Hart plummeted 78 feet, landing chest first on to the top rope and was thrown back into the ring.

The wrestling fans watching on pay-per-view TV and in the arena, were unaware of the severity of what had occurred, as at the moment of the accident a pre-taped vignette was being aired on the broadcast and the big screens of the darkened arena. When the tape ended the cameras showed just the shocked audience, as the commentator Jim Ross explained what had just happened and repeatedly emphasised that this wasn't a wrestling angle or part of any storyline.

Meanwhile medics were working on Hart in the ring. He was transported to the Truman Medical Centre in Kansa, where he was pronounced dead on arrival. It later transpired that Hart had actually died of internal bleeding from blunt chest trauma, while still being tended to in the ring.

Hart left behind a widow, Martha, and two children, Oje Edward and Athena Christy. Three weeks after the event, the Hart Family sued the WWF, with the organisation eventually making a settlement payment of 18 million dollars.

Professional athletes, after all, tend to be pretty tough. So when the sports fan crosses the line, it's little wonder that they sometimes end up a little closer to the action than they'd have liked.

Here are the 8 greatest ever instances of sporstmen beating up sports fans.

8. Tie Domi v A soaking wet Philadelphia Flyers fan

Tie Domi is one of the NHL's most legendary enforcers. He has more penalty minutes than any other player in the history of the Toronto Maple Leafs and stands third overall in penalty minutes in the history of the NHL.

It was no surprise then, that Domi lost his cool, when a drunken Philadelphia Flyers fan began abusing him as he waited in the penalty box. Domi turned and squirted water at the heckler, who tried to get over the top of the box.

The glass panel gave way and the fan found himself in the penalty box with Domi, who wasted no time in throwing some punches. Domi was eventually fined, but received no suspension from the NHL.

7. Brian Clough v His own devoted fans

When Nottingham Forest beat Queens Park Rangers 5-2 in 1989, a few of their over-excited fans ran onto the pitch to celebrate.

They bargained without the eccentric nature of the Nottingham Forest manager Brian Clough. Standing on the touchline, Clough reacted with fury to the pitch invasion and began to randomly punch out at several fans.

Clough was held in such reverence by the Forest fans that two of the men he hit agreed to apologise to him on national TV. During the televised apology, Clough spoke to the men as if they were errant children, before insisting that they both kiss him.

6. Cedric Maxwell v An old guy in a plaid sports jacket

When your dad tells you that sports used to be tougher back in the old days, he probably has a point.

Take this clip as an example. Cedric Maxwell of the Boston Celtics is in action against the Philadelphia 76ers and finds himself flung into the crowd. As Maxwell dusts himself down and walks back out onto the court, a fan throws something at him and makes a remark, which sends Maxwell into a rage.

Maxwell turns back into the crowd and attacks the fan. These days he would be banned for the rest of the season and beyond, but unbelievably, Maxwell was allowed to stay in the game.

5. Trevor Brennan v A disgruntled customer

The Toulouse Rugby Union star Trevor Brennan, was warming up on the touchline during a 2007 Heineken Cup game against Ulster. Following a verbal altercation with the crowd, Brennan jumped into the stands and punched Ulster fan Patrick Bamford.

Brennan alleged afterwards that the fan had abused his mother, but an investigation into the incident ruled that no such abuse took place. Instead it was found that Brennan saw red, after Ulster fans ridiculed the standards of his bar in Toulouse.

Trevor Brennan was given a life ban from rugby. Hopefully this will give him more time to devote to improving the standards of his pub.

4. The entire Chelsea team v A Tottenham fan with a lousy punch

Sometimes you shouldn't over celebrate a win. Chelsea had just beaten Tottenham 2-1 and their players were enjoying the victory over their London rivals.

It all got too much for the 18-year old Tottenham fan Timothy John Lawrence Smith, who ran onto the pitch and attempted to punch the Chelsea and England midfielder Frank Lampard.

Leaving a host of stewards in his wake, Smith sprinted towards Lampard. Unfortunately for Smith, the distance that he had to cover to reach his target clearly took its toll. Perhaps he just had too long to size up Lampard. Perhaps he was just exhausted. Either way, the resulting punch was so timid, that it would be unlikely to trouble a small child, let alone a professional sportsman.

What's worse, as Lampard sidestepped the punch, Smith fell to the floor, whereupon the entire Chelsea team set about him.

Had he succeeded in his quest, Smith would have become a hero to the Tottenham fans. Instead he ended up looking like an idiot and received a lifetime ban from attending home games.

3. Ron Artest (with help from Stephen Jackson) v Someone he thought was John Green

The most notorious brawl in Basketball history saw the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons battle it out in what came to be nicknamed 'The Malice at the Palace'.

A routine on court fracas escalated to legendary proportions, after Detroit fan John Green threw a cup of beer at the combustible Pacer player, Ron Artest. The NBA All Star launched himself into the crowd to attack Green, but ended up mistakenly hitting someone else.

Artest's team-mate Stephen Jackson decides he will enter the melee in the crowd and before long a full-scale brawl erupted.

Subsequently nine players received suspensions, with Artest the hardest hit with an 86 game suspension, with Jackson being banned for 30 games.

The beer throwing John Green was banned from attending Pistons home games for life.

2. Terry O'Reilly and the Boston Bruins v The stick-stealer and the fan with one shoe

Terry O'Reilly was the enforcer for the Boston Bruins. Nicknamed 'Bloody O'Reilly' by the press, O'Reilly was famous for protecting his team-mates.

So it must have been a brave fan of the New York Rangers in 1979, who decided to steal the stick of the Bruins' Stan Jonathan and hit him with it. Within seconds of the incident O'Reilly was climbing into the crowd, with the rest of the Bruins' players following.

While O'Reilly grappled with the fan with the stick, another Rangers fan threw a shoe at him. O'Reilly's team-mates began searching for a fan with just one shoe and upon finding him, beat him with his own footwear.

O'Reilly received an eight game ban for his part in the fracas.

1. Eric Cantona v Matthew Simmons

Who else could top this list but Eric Cantona? Some of the other sportsmen may have managed to get closer to their target and inflict more damage, but no one launched their attack with more flair than the fiery French striker.

In 1995 Cantona was playing for Manchester United against Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park. An incident in which Cantona kicked out at the Palace defender Richard Shaw, saw the Untied forward sent off by the referee.

As he walked towards the tunnel, the Palace fans hurled abuse at Cantona. One fan in particular caught his attention and before long Cantona was running straight towards the crowd. Before anyone else had a chance to react, Cantona jumped into the air and caught the fan with a perfectly timed kung-fu kick into the chest.

The fan was Matthew Simmons, who was alleged to have shouted at Cantona -"Get back to France you fucking French bastard". Simmons was later tried for threatening language and behaviour and received a seven-day prison sentence, though he only served 24 hours.

Cantona was given a nine-month worldwide ban from football. At a press conference following the incident, Cantona explained - "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."

You can see his point.

Most comic book geeks are too busy getting beaten up by Flash Thompson-like jocks to be interested in sports, yet every now and again, someone gets the bright idea to launch a sports comic.

The logic is probably that they will attract new fans to the world of comic books, but the results are generally so dreadful that everyone ends up uninterested.

Here are the 5 weirdest sports comics.

5. NFL Superpro - Marvel

The short-lived Marvel title NFL Superpro has long been dismissed as being one of the worst comics of recent years. Written by the X-Men and Captain America scribe Fabian Nicieza, the plot-hole filled series reads as though the entire run of twelve issues were knocked off in one drunken weekend.

NFL Superpro tells the tale of Phil Grayfield, a football player whose career has been cut short due to a knee injury. In the first issue, Grayfield has begun a career as a sports journalist and gets the chance to interview the 'Howard Hughes of NFL memorabilia'.

Amongst the collection of cheap NFL-branded nonsense, is an indestructible football uniform, which the superfan (who is also conveniently a scientist) invented himself. The design never took off, because it could only be moulded on an individual basis, with each suit costing five million dollars to produce.

Whilst Grayfield goes about his fascinating interview, the house of the NFL-obsessed collector, is raided by criminals. For reasons best known to themselves, the criminals kidnap the collector, but eschew the chance to steal the five million dollar uniform or any of the other priceless merchandise. What's more, they decide to destroy the collection by setting fire to the house.

Grayfield is tied up with reel to reel movie tape (oh, come on) and left to die. As the fire blazes, Grayfield in his own words is: "Drenched in chemical foam, gasoline, plastics, and chemicals from the old films." As we all know from reading comic books, any faintly scientific sounding disaster results in super-powers. Before long, Grayfield is wearing the indestructible football uniform and is ready to fight crime.

Critics struggled to get their heads around the flaws in the plot. The suits were prohibitively expensive to produce, as they needed to be moulded to the size and shape of the individual, yet it conveniently fits Grayson perfectly. Also, upon saving the collector from the kidnappers, shouldn't Superpro return the five million dollar uniform? Instead he just steals it for himself. And what's with the sudden recovery from the knee problem that thwarted Grayson's NFL career?

So bad was the first issue, that it even featured Spider-Man making a guest appearance. Marvel normally wait at least a few issues, before they draft him in to boost sales on a failing title. The villains in the series were equally bad as the hero, with Quick Kick, the football placekicker turned ninja, undoubtedly the worst of a bad bunch.

NFL Superpro never recovered from it's inauspicious beginnings and folded after 12 issues. The idea of a super-hero running around wearing an NFL branded outfit, whilst cracking corny football related lines, was never going to go down well with the geek brigade.

4. Roy of the Rovers - IPC

Roy Race stands alongside Dan Dare and Judge Dredd as one of Britain's most iconic comic book characters. First appearing within the pages of Tiger in 1954, the Roy of the Rovers strip became popular enough to spawn it's own comic in 1976.

The comic focused on the exploits of Roy Race, centre-forward for the fictional Melchester Rovers and England (not a fictional nation). Race had a legendary left-foot shot, nicknamed 'Racey's Rocket' and would seem to score at least one unstoppable goal each week.

Melchester faced other fictional teams, though bizarrely when on England duty, Roy would line up alongside real players such as Malcolm McDonald and Trevor Francis. Another characteristic of the comic were the exposition-heavy comments made by individual members of the crowd, in which they seemed to hold conversations, despite being sat miles away from one another.

Roy of the Rovers only got really weird in the early eighties, when it abandoned it's focus on the on-field action and moved into areas more associated with a soap opera. Storylines in this period included Roy's wife leaving him and a whodunit after Race was shot by a mystery gunman. Most shocking of all, was the kidnapping of Melchester Rovers by Arab terrorists whilst on tour in the fictional Middle-Eastern nation of Basran, in which six of the team members lost their lives.

The nadir for Roy of the Rovers came in 1985, with a headline grabbing storyline in which Melchester signed the former real-life England captain Emlyn Hughes and the former Scotland goalkeeper Bob Wilson (who at this point had been retired for eleven years). As if this wasn't bad enough, fans of the comic were forced to suspend belief, as Rovers also brought in Martin Kemp and Steve Norman, of Spandau Ballet fame. Yes, really.

Roy Race's illustrious playing career came to an end in 1993, after his trusty left foot was amputated after a helicopter crash. The comic continued, as Race began a coaching career and his young son 'Rocky' Race made the Melchester first team. The comic ended it's run in 1995, though in 1997 it resurfaced as a strip in the now defunct Match of the Day magazine, which folded in 2001.

R.I.P. Racey.

3. Kickers, Inc. - Marvel

Not to be put off by the disaster that was NFL Superpro, Marvel decided that they would try out another football-themed comic book. The book would feature, not just one, but a whole team of football players turned crime fighters. Yeah, that'll work! All I can guess is that the writers were given loads of free football tickets.

Jack 'Mr Magnificent' Magniconte is the star quarterback of the fictional New York Smashers. His brother invents a machine to increase muscle mass and persuades Jack to test it out. The machine gives Jack superhuman fitness levels, which results in him finding the NFL rather unchallenging. I mean we all know The Flash could thrash Usain Bolt in the 100 metres, but what would be the point?

Bored silly after winning the Super Bowl, Jack decides to form Kickers, Inc. with some of his football buddies. These include the Smashers' defensive tackle Beauford 'Brick Wall' Wohl (who is ridiculously, about as big as The Thing), lightning-quick wide receiver Dallas 'Dasher' Corbin and locker room joker Thomas 'Suicide' Smythe. They are also joined by Jack's wife Darlene, because crime fighting gets lonely without your woman with you on the road.

Though Kickers, Inc. was nowhere near as bad as NFL Superpro, Marvel still called time on it after twelve issues. Jack Magniconte continued to appear in Marvel's New Universe comics, becoming known as 'the All-American'.

2. Triple-A Baseball Heroes - Marvel

Many fathers try to bond with their young sons by taking them to baseball games. The trouble is, kids have ever shortening attention spans, whilst baseball games last around three hours.

Marvel decided to capitalise on the boredom of the young, when they produced the comic book Triple-A Baseball Heroes. The comic was given away free to fans on special days by each of the thirty teams in the International and Pacific Coast Leagues of Triple-A.

The book features the likes of Spiderman, The Hulk, Iron Man and Reed Richards, who are all attending a Triple A game. As with most of these promotional comics, there are some pretty clumsy moments involving our heroes extolling the virtues of the product (see below).

The superheroes have to defend the Triple-A ballparks, after they come under attack from Mole Man, who is out for revenge after the league rejected his plans to start a Monster Island expansion plan.

With the issue predictably resolved by the heroes, the comic finishes with The Hulk playing baseball in exchange for some hotdogs. The best you can say about this comic is that at least Marvel weren't trying to get anyone to pay for it.

1.Strange Sports Stories - DC

If you thought that the idea of your favourite Marvel characters getting involved in baseball-based shenanigans was bad enough, it has nothing on what DC cooked up in the seventies.

Strange Sports Stories was launched in 1973 and did exactly what it said on the front cover. Enclosed within the pages were weird tales of dinosaurs racing horses and tennis matches played with live grenades.

All the stories took place outside the regular DC-universe. That was until issue ten, when I guess the sales were starting to slump. For that issue of Strange Sports Stories featured a baseball game played out by DC's most notable superheroes and villains.

The action begins when The Huntress confesses to The Sportsmaster that she is considering becoming a crime fighter, having got tired of always getting her ass kicked as a villainess. The Sportsmaster proposes that the matter is decided by a baseball game. The Huntress has to pick a team of super heroes, while The Sportsmaster leads a team of villains. Whoever wins will determine the future for The Huntress.

The heroes (all of which for some reason were attending some kind of sporting event) are teleported to the baseball stadium, along with the team of villains. Neither side are allowed to use their super-powers, in a game that would be umpired by Uncle Sam and Amazo the Android.

Obviously it's not long before the villains start breaking the rules and using their powers. Well they are villains after all. Despite this, the heroes win the game, proving that they are not just morally-superior, but baseball-superior also.

It's one thing launching a crappy sports comic, but it's another when you involve your established characters and start messing with their continuity. I mean grumpy old Batman... playing baseball? I wonder if that's the sort of story that could get Chris Nolan interested enough to make a follow-up to The Dark Knight?

The trickiest thing with a sports movie is making the action seem realistic. Most fall short and the events end up looking staged.

Here are the 10 most unrealistic moments in sports movies.

10. Rocky IV - Why spend money on sparring partners why you can just saw wood?

No sports movie is complete without a training montage. The key ingredients for a great training montage, are eighties rock music and an increasingly ridiculous exercise regime.

No one does the training montage better than the Rocky series. Who can forget Balboa preparing for world title shots, by chasing chickens around and pounding meat, while his foolhardy opponent was wasting his time sparring?

The greatest (and therefore, most ridiculous) Rocky training montage comes in Rocky IV. Rocky has for some reason arranged to fight the Russian Ivan Drago on Christmas Day in Moscow and travels to the USSR to train.

Then comes the montage. Footage of Drago's technologically advanced training regime, is contrasted by Rocky's somewhat simpler approach to getting fit. We see our hero sawing wood, climbing snowy mountains and pulling a sledge, as he prepares to finally face an opponent that is over 6ft tall.

9. The Replacements - Keanu sounds bored

A key scene in almost any sports movie is the one in which the coach/mentor/captain/girlfriend makes a motivational speech, which inspires our hero/heroes to a last ditch effort.

The Replacements is based around the plot of an NFL strike, which forces the Washington Sentinels to recruit a team of replacement players. Keanu Reeves plays the quarterback Shane Falco, a former college player with a history of choking.

It is Keanu who delivers the film's key motivational speech and unsurprisingly, the most expressionless actor of our generation, fails to deliver.

8. Over the Top - Who knew that arm wrestling was so popular?

You've got to hand it to Stallone. Once he's found a concept that works, he's willing to hammer it into the ground.

In Over the Top, Stallone plays yet another sportsman, in the shape of the wonderfully named, Lincoln Hawk. The film tells the tale of Hawk attempting to win both the world arm wrestling championship and the love of his estranged son.

Since when though, did so many people watch live arm wrestling? Even if people were willing to pay to see two men holding hands whilst sitting down, I don't believe that they would get this excited over the proceedings. At one point it looks as if the son's eyes are going to explode.

7. The Main Event - Ryan O'Neal punches Barbra Streisand in the face

Barbra Streisand plays a perfume magnate, whose accountant has stolen all her money. Babs looks through her assets and finds a boxer, Eddie 'Kid Natural' Scanlong, who was purchased as a tax write off.

Streisand decides to manage Eddie (Ryan O'Neal) in a bid to regain her fortune. Before long they're punch-drunk with love for each other, etc.

In this scene, the media have got wind of the fact that a boxer is being managed by a striking looking Jewish woman, with a 7/10 body and decide that it will make a splash on the sports pages. Before long, the PR stunt gets out of hand and O'Neal and Streisand are going toe to toe.

6. Teen Wolf - A basketball-playing werewolf is not the most unrealistic aspect of this movie

Scott is a mediocre high school basketball player on a losing team, who upon transforming into a werewolf, finds that he has unbeatable hoop skills. Yeah, I'll buy that.

What I don't buy is the final game, when Scott realises that he has to win on his own merits, without turning into the wolf.

How is a basketball team without a single black player and featuring a really fat guy and the 5ft 4" Michael J. Fox going to beat anyone?

5. Varsity Blues - Dawson turns down the chance to get it on with the worst character from Heroes

OK, so it's not strictly a sports scene, but in terms of implausibility and the fact that it appears in a sports movie, this scene from Varsity Blues has to make to cut.

If it wasn't enough that Dawson is cast as a high school football hero, we are then expected to believe that when presented with one Ali Larter wearing nothing but whipped cream, he'd turn her down.

Still, Dawson does have a history of turning down sure-fire opportunities with beautiful women, as Joey and Jen would testify. I always did think that he looked at Pacey in a strange manner...

4. Escape To Victory - Stallone saves a penalty kick

Known simply as Victory in the USA, this John Huston film tells the tale of a group of World War II POWs, who agree to play a soccer game against a German team, as part of a Nazi propaganda stunt.

In terms of authenticity, this movie benefits from the fact that a number of the roles were filled by top professional players such as Pele, Bobby Moore and Ossie Ardiles.

Unfortunately it also features the footballing talents of the then 48 year old Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone, who stars as the goalkeeper of the team.

To put this casting into context, a 5ft 9" tall goalkeeper is about as rare as a 5ft 9" heavyweight champion. Despite his physical disadvantage, Sly pulls off a number of great saves to keep the Allies in the game. Then, with the score at 4-4 and with just seconds remaining, the Germans are awarded a dubious penalty.

It comes as no surprise when Stallone pulls off a brilliant slow motion save. What makes the action particularly unrealistic is not just the fact that Stallone actually catches the ball, but his jubilant celebrations that follow. He randomly just punts the ball up the field, despite there being no obvious sign that the referee has called time on the match.

3. White Men Can't Jump - Semi-retarded bartenders from Cheers can't jump

Come on. The movie's called White Men Can't Jump. Why does the white guy have to make the dunk? He could have just proved that he was good in other ways, like Larry Bird.

If we're meant to believe that Woody Harrelson can make the dunk, then actually show him doing it. Don't play the scene in slow motion and just show us the top half of Woody's body as he dunks. We know he's got Norm and Cliff underneath, holding him in the air.

That said, despite this scene, White Men Can't Jump is one of my favourite sports movies. Primarily because I have a penchant for squawking Latino women.

2. Any Given Sunday - Stare into the eyes of Al Pacino and Jamie Foxx

Perhaps more than in any other genre, the sports movie requires a climatic ending where against all the odds, our protagonist achieves their goal.

Sometimes though, the director can take things a little too far. I give to you Exhibit A: Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday.

The final game of Stone's football drama is presented with the sort of dramatic reverence, normally reserved for a scene in a WWI drama, when the troops get the order to go over the top.

Watched in context, this scene was just too much. Watched out of context, it's completely ridiculous.

1. Rocky V - The world watches a street brawl

To describe the most unrealistic moment in any of the Rocky films, I need to use just three words. Televised street fight.

Having retired from the ring, Rocky begins to train the young fighter, Tommy 'The Machine' Gunn, played by the real life boxer Tommy Morrison. Like most youngsters, Tommy proves to be an ungrateful little bastard and dumps Rocky, when offered a lucrative title shot.

Tommy wins the title, but is criticised by the public and media, who prefer Rocky's style of fighting. i.e. for every clean blow you land, you get punched in the head around 20 times.

Looking to prove that he's better than Rocky, Tommy hunts Balboa down and challenges him to a fight. When Rocky turns the other cheek, Tommy looks for the nearest person with a face you'd like to punch and gives Paulie a smack. Now he's got Rocky's attention.

A street fight breaks out between Rocky and Tommy. Of course, a news crew is waiting nearby and before long the whole tawdry affair is being beamed live around the globe.

The highlight of the fight is undoubtedly Sage Stallone yelling: "Come on, knock that bum out, he stole my room!"

Some, like Michael Jordan, get to star in star in commercials boasting huge budgets, which are shot by top filmmakers. Others are forced to slum it, as they star in rather less glamorous commercials than those dreamed up by Nike's marketing men.

In tribute to these mercenaries, here are the 15 most insane commercials featuring sports stars.

15. Pete Rose - Aqua Vela

Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds enjoyed a glittering baseball career in which he picked up three World Series rings, three batting titles, one Most Valuable Player Award, two Gold Gloves, the Rookie of the Year Award, and made 17 All-Star appearances.

At one point Rose was the highest paid athlete in team sports. Therefore you can only assume that it was Rose's well documented gambling problems, which lead him to say 'yes' when offered this commercial by Aqua Vela, even though it required him to sing.

14. Boston Celtics - Scotch 'n Sirloin

So you're offered a chance to make a few bucks shooting a cheesy commercial for a small restaurant. The whole team is in on it, so the embarrassment will be shared and it's only going out on local TV. It'll be forgotten about in no time at all.

Unfortunately for the Boston Celtics, the internet was invented. Check out Larry Bird's purple shirt.

13. Kevin Keegan and Henry Cooper - Brut

The award for the most homoerotic commercial, goes to this towel-flicking effort from the good people at Brut, featuring the British boxing legend Henry Cooper and the two-time European Footballer of the Year, Kevin Keegan.

12. Jonathan Papelbon - 125auto.com

Just because you're a gifted athlete, doesn't mean that you can act. This is proved conclusively by Jonathan Papelbon, pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and a member of their 2007 World Series Team, in a series of commercials made for a New England car dealership.

11. Jonathan Ogden - Gebco Insurance

Men who are 6ft 9" tall are rarely good dancers. So it must have been with some perverse pleasure, that this local insurance company hired the Baltimore Ravens' offensive tackle Jonathan Ogden for their commercial.

Ogden is so out of time with the female dancers it's unreal, but he seems to be enjoying himself.

10. Bronson Arroyo - Champion Dealer Group

The Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Bronson Arroyo makes it onto this list, purely and simply because he's the only person that I've ever heard use the word 'shit' in a TV commercial.

Well done that man.

9. Joe Namath - Noxema

The former New York Jets quarterback Joe Namath made several commercials during the 1970s, including one that saw him dress up in pantyhose.

Joe makes the list however, for his commercial for Noxema shaving cream, in which he co-stars alongside a then unknown Farrah Fawcett. This commercial was selected primarily for the reason that of all the commercials Namath appeared in, this is the one in which he most sounds like a Pennsylvanian hick.

8. John McEnroe - PETA

John McEnroe stars in a public information commercial on behalf on PETA, in which he implores people to have their dog neutered.

Well at least he didn't get naked.

7. Joe Frazier - Muriel Cigars

Former heavyweight champ Joe Frazier teams up with the Tony Award winning Broadway star, Edie Adams in a bizarre commercial for a cigar company.

The weird thing about this commercial is the way it cuts between Adams to Smokin' Joe and his mother, before cutting back to Adams again. It has strange the effect of making it seem as if two commercials have been spliced together.

6. Max Talbot - A & L Motor Sales

The Penguins Hockey star Maxime 'Max' Talbot, recently leant his talents to a commercial for a Pittsburgh auto dealership.

This one makes it onto the list for being the commercial that most seems like it's going to descend into a porn movie.

"Hey Alex, superstar treatment again for me!"

5. Larry Bird - American Heart Association

Larry Bird may have been a good enough player to have been mentioned in the same sentence as Michael Jordan, but he somehow lacked the charisma of his rival when on camera.

There are scores of painful Larry Bird commercials on the internet, but it the disturbing stare of the doctor gets this particular one a place on our list.

"Doctor who?"

4. Yoggi Berra - Stove Top Stuffing

Sports stars of yesteryear didn't earn anywhere near the huge salaries that today's stars can command.

Perhaps if he'd played in the modern era, the New York Yankees legend Yogi Berra wouldn't be reduced to spending his dotage making commercials for microwave stuffing.

3. Willie Shoemaker & Kareem Abdul Jabbar - NASA

When NASA were looking for someone to promote their space exploration programmes, who else would they look to but the jockey Willie Shoemaker and the LA Lakers' Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

Sad as it may seem, the world is more interested in athletes than scientists.

2. Andre the Giant - Honeycomb cereal

Imagine you're a kid, sat in your tree-house and innocently sharing some breakfast cereal with some buddies (one of which is a robot). What could be more terrifying than the former WWF star Andre the Giant gate-crashing the party? Especially when to quote the Giant, he's: "Hungry for a big honey taste!"

Luckily, upon getting his hands on the cereal, Andre is content to dance around with the kids, whilst they sing their annoyingly catchy song.

1. William Perry - The Fridge BBQ Sauce

Topping our list is William 'The Refrigerator' Perry. 'The Fridge' was famed for his generous appetite, so it came as little surprise when he choose to turn his hobby into a career and launched his own BBQ sauce.

This commercial for the sauce looks as if it's been made in a couple of hours, by someone with access to iMovie. The budget clearly didn't stretch to on-location shooting, so the actors are superimposed upon exotic backdrops. The best of these is the guy who is surfing whilst wearing a soccer shirt. He later turns up again at the end of the commercial, looking drunk.

"This sauce is good!"

Every now and again, someone would say: "What if we put (insert name of sporting superstar here) in a comic book!"

The rest is history. Here are the 5 most ridiculous appearances by sports stars in a comic book.

5. Sir Charles Barkley and the Referee Murders - Hamilton Comics

Basketball legend Charles Barkley has always had a penchant for getting himself in trouble, both on and off the court. Yet, if you thought that Barkley's recent trouble with the police was ridiculous, it had nothing on the fictional antics of our hero in Sir Charles Barkley and the Referee Murders.

Barkley is on the wrong end of a bad call by a referee, who is murdered shortly after the game. No one thinks too much of this, but after the exact same thing happens on two more occasions, fingers start to point at Sir Charles.

As the chief suspect in the murder case, Sir Charles has no choice but to conduct his own murder investigation. He's soon clad in a canary yellow trenchcoat and hat, sniffing around for clues. Before long, Barkley's following two shady looking sports fans, who lead him right into the heart of the mystery.

Sir Charles busts into a hotel room, where he finds Pickering, the third referee, enjoying the comforts of a couple of hookers and some recreational drugs. The two sports fans were drug dealers, feeding Pickering's filthy habit. It turns out that Pickering had the other two referees whacked by Eloy (the chief drug dealer), as they were close to discovering that he liked snorting cocaine and then figured he'd better just pretend that he'd been murdered as well.

It turns out that Eloy lost out on a basketball scholarship because of a broken leg and is therefore very bitter. So bitter, that he decides to take Charles at gunpoint and force him to play basketball.

Obviously Charles wins. He is after all one of the greatest players of all time, going one on one with a coked-up drug dealer, holding a revolver. Having been beaten, bitter old Eloy goes to shoot Sir Charles, but as the above panel shows, no mere bullet is a match for a ball thrown from the hand of Charles Barkley.

4. Spider-Man and the Dallas Cowboys: Dallas in Danger - Marvel

In this comic book from 1983, several Dallas Cowboys stars were called away from their training duties to meet a young fan, Mark Mudge. Mark is confined to a wheelchair, following a spot of ill-advised heroism, but naturally his father Stanley has adapted the wheelchair with an anti-gravity device, so that it can fly.

So where's Spidey in all of this, I hear you say. Well, despite it not seeming of particular interest to a New York-based newspaper, a certain J.Jonah Jameson and photographer Peter Parker, have flown out to Dallas to cover the event. Clever.

As we all know from our years of being immersed in popular culture, where there's an anti-gravity device welded to a wheelchair, there's going to be trouble. Sure enough, the Circus of Crime, lead by the Ringmaster, turn up and kidnap Mark.

The Ringmaster demands that Mark gives him the anti-gravity device, which turns out to not actually be attached to the chair, but is instead in the possession of Stanley. The Ringmaster addresses a packed stadium via the giant TV screens and threatens to hurt Mark if Stanley doesn't hand over the device, before using his hypnotic hat to mesmerise everyone in the stadium.

Having woken from their collective trance, the Dallas Cowboys are in no mood for negotiations and set upon the Circus of Crime. In the melee, the device ends up in the hand of J.Jonah Jameson, who begins to float away, towards a waiting Ringmaster in a helicopter.

Spider-Man swings towards them in hot pursuit, but mistaking him for a member of the Circus of Crime, two of the Cowboys grab onto his legs and are taken along for the ride. This is either really stupid of them, or an ingenious method of involving some Dallas Cowboys in the big finale.

Having rescued Jameson and forced the helicopter to land, Spider-Man swings the Cowboys towards the Ringmaster and his pilot, who they land upon. The Circus of Crime are then arrested, the football game gets to go ahead and most importantly of all, the kid gets to make use of his flying wheelchair. Thanks Spidey.

3. Batman/Cal Ripken Jr - DC Comics

Batman got to share top billing with the former Batimore Orioles star Cal Ripken Jr, in a free comic book that was given away to 10,000 kids before the Baltimore v Cleveland game.

The plot involved a rather emaciated-looking Ripken being honoured in Gotham City, to celebrate his entrance into the Hall of Fame. As a former 'Oriole', Ripken soon attracts the attention of another kind of bird, in the form of the Penguin. Despite the weakness of his motivation, the Penguin kidnaps Ripken, along with a young fan.

The Penguin takes Ripken and the kid back to his lair and imprisons them in a cage. Batman is of course hot on their trail and deals with the Penguin, while Ripken and the young fan escape from their cage, in a way that I still fully don't understand, despite having looked at the comic several times. It involved bubble gum.

2. Godkilla vs. Barkley - Dark Horse Comics

Charles Barkley makes his second appearance on this list, in a spin-off comic from a Nike commercial, in which he took on Godzilla. While Barkley fighting Godzilla worked pretty well as a commercial (a medium in which all that matters is that what's on screen, looks cool), the writers of this comic had their work cut out in coming up with a plausible plot device that would see Sir Charles battling it out with a 300 foot tall, fire-breathing monster.

A young fan of Barkley's (why do all these comics feature young fans?) is turned away by a security guard, after he tries to meet Sir Charles at a beach-based photoshoot.

The disappointed kid is given a magical coin by his grandfather. This comes in handy, when seconds later Godzilla appears out of the water. The kid realises that Charles is the only man who can tackle the giant lizard and tries to convince him to use the magic coin to grow to similar proportions.

After a long, drawn out section where Barkley resists the urge to use the magic coin, the writers eventually use up enough panels and Charles grows to the size of a skyscraper. By this time Godzilla is destroying the whole city, but Barkley has a cunning plan.

Sir Charles explains that Godzilla is a big basketball fan (what?) and leads the monster off for a spot of one-on-one. Barkley beats Godzilla, with the same sort of ease that saw him victorious against the coked-up drug dealer. Charles explains to Godzilla that he needs to practise if he's going to make it in basketball (as well as somehow shrink so he will fit inside an arena) and leaves the monster to practice his slam-dunks. Godzilla is somehow by this stage, wearing Nike trainers.

Superman vs. Muhammad Ali - DC Comics

Muhammad Ali always had an inflated opinion about himself. So despite having lost in fights to Ken Norton and Smokin' Joe Frazier, he still figured that he could beat Superman in the ring (though he'd probably concede that a points win would be most likely).

Superman had bumped into Ali, when the heavyweight champ was teaching some local kids some basketball moves. Ah, these sporting superstars... When will they realise that mixing with kids, always ends up with them getting involved in some villainous plot?

While Supes and Ali are hanging out, Rat'Lar, an alien overlord of a race called the Scrubbs (just like the sitcom, only much funnier) appears and challenges Earth's champion to a fight. Should the Earth champion lose, the Scrubbs will invade the planet.

Superman offers to fight on behalf on Earth, but Ali argues that at best, Superman is the WBC's number ranked contender. If he wants to fight the aliens, he's going to have to beat Ali first.

It's decided that Ali and Superman will fight on the alien planet, which to make things fair, circles a red sun that robs Superman of his powers. The winner will face the Scrubb champion, Hun'Ya.

Robbed of his power and probably struggling with the fact that he had to box whilst wearing a cape, Superman is knocked out by Ali. While Ali prepares for his inter-galactic showdown with Hun'Ya, Superman disguises himself as Ali's trainer Bundini Brown. He steals into the Scrubb command ship and sabotages their space armada.

Ali predicts an eighth round knockout of the Scrubb, but takes a beating in the early rounds at the hands of the preposterously strong alien. However, just like in the Rumble in the Jungle, Ali gets a second wind and as he predicted, knocks out the Scrubb champion in round eight.

Having seen Superman destroy his invasion fleet, Rat'Lar goes back on his word and gives orders for the earth to be invaded by the backup fleet. At this point the defeated Hun-ya beats up the Rat'Lar and makes himself the new Scrubb leader. In retrospect he probably wishes that he just did that in the first place, rather than having to take a whipping from Muhammad Ali.

Ali reportedly only consented to being in the comic, if at some point he could discover Superman's secret identity. So the book finishes with Ali smugly telling Superman that he's worked out that he's really Clark Kent. Superman somehow resists the temptation to retort: "Yeah, well I heard your real name is Cassius Clay".

Ironically, by the time the comic was published, Ali had lost his title to Leon Spinks. This prompted those mischievous folk at Marvel to feature the following exchange in Spider-Man:

WOMAN: Hi there, Spidey. I represent this comic book company and I've got the most wonderful idea. Picture this... you against the heavyweight champion. Spider-Man Vs. Leon Spinks.

SPIDEY: You've gotta be kidding. Lady I've heard about you people and your publishing schedules! By the time you got that fershlugginer mag on the newsstands, someone else could be champ.

You've got to love Spider-Man. Satire and yiddish, all in the same sentence.

Newcastle United striker Shola Ameobi called the police to report a burglary at his home, only to realise that his house was just very untidy.

Ameobi phoned the police and reported that several items had been stolen during the burglary, including his chequebook. However, Ameobi was shortly back on the phone to the police, to explain that he'd found the 'stolen' items amid household clutter.

A police source said in dibelief: "We were told thieves had taken a number of things, the most important one being the chequebook.Given what soccer stars earn, that was obviously a matter of great concern. Then we got a call back saying nothing was missing after all."

"Perhaps he had had a party and the place just looked as if it had been burgled."

As he earns several thousands of pounds a week, surely Shola could afford a cleaning lady?

A match between two lowly Spanish soccer sides had to be abandoned, as a mass brawl broke out and a total of 19 players were given the red card.

The game between Recreativo Linense and Saladillo de Algeciras saw a Recreativo player sent off after 54 minutes, which prompted a brawl involving both players and fans.

The referee abandoned the match. Having got everyone back to the dressing room, the official sent off 9 players from each side, resulting in a total of 19 red cards.

Certain sportsmen crave more than just material wealth and the roar of the crowd. They have... a higher calling.

Here are 6 sportsmen who gave it all up for God.

6. George Foreman - Boxing

Having lost his world title to Muhammad Ali in the Rumble in the Jungle fight, George Foreman set upon the comeback trail. In 1977, having won 5 fights following the Ali defeat, Foreman travelled to Puerto Rico to face Jimmy Young.

Foreman lost on a points decision after 12 rounds fought in extreme heat. After the fight Foreman, suffering from exhaustion and heatstroke, had what he describes as a near death experience. George pleaded with God to help him and claims that he was told to change the way he lived his life.

Having survived the experience, Foreman stopped fighting and became a born again Christian. Foreman was made an ordained minister of a church in Houston, Texas and opened a youth centre bearing his name.

Foreman eventually made a boxing comeback in 1988 to raise money for his youth centre and went on to become the oldest fighter to win the heavyweight crown, when he knocked out Michael Moorer in 1994, aged 45 years old.

As well as opening a youth centre that he named after himself, Foreman made a fortune when he lent his name to a range of grilling machines. He also named all of his 5 sons 'George' (Foreman has fathered a total of 10 children with 5 different women), differentiating between his boys by giving them nicknames - 'Jnr', 'Monk', 'Joe', 'Red' and 'Big Wheel'. George also has a daughter named 'Georgetta'.

5. Lars Elstrup - Soccer

Lars Elstrup was part of the victorious Denmark squad, which shocked the football world when they won the 1992 European Championships. Elstrup had also played top-flight football in England for Luton Town.

In 1993 Elstrup suffered from doubts about his football future and quit the game to join 'The Wild Goose' religious commune on the island of Funen. Going by the new name of 'Darando', he explained: "I feel that here I am seen for who I really am. They understand me better than I do myself, actually."

Elstrup, (or should I say, Darando) left the sect in 1999, after a controversial incident in which he exposed himself in public and then slapped a young boy. He was later fined 10,000 DKK after threatening one of the sect leaders.

In 2001, Elstrup hit the headlines again when he defecated in the centre of London's Trafalgar Square.

4. Ted DiBiase - Wrestling

Ted DiBiase was known as wrestling's 'Million Dollar Man' and was a 3-time WWF Tag Team champion. DiBiase's character was based along the same lines of Gordon Gekko in Wall Street and would use his vast fortune to aid his wrestling career.

Away from the ring, the WWF went to great pains to establish the DiBiase character in the minds of the public. They paid for him to fly everywhere first class and stay in 5 star hotels. The WWF even went as far as to give DiBiase petty cash so that he could engage in stunts such as buying drinks for an entire bar and paying for small items such as chewing gum with 100 dollar bills.

DiBiase may have been a villain in the squared circle, but he proved he was a good man at heart, when he quit the ring to become an evangelist. The former 'Million Dollar Man' had become disillusioned with the direction that wrestling was heading in and banned his children from watching the WWF, commenting: "Not when a 'hero' is a beer-guzzling guy named Steve Austin who gives everyone the finger. And he wears a shirt that says 'Austin 3:16'. To me, that's blasphemy."

DiBiase is now a Christian minister who runs combined Christian/wrestling events under the promotion, Power Wrestling Alliance. He has founded Heart of David Ministries and authored the book Every Man Has His Price, a part-autobiography and part-Christian testimony.

3. Peter Knowles - Soccer

Peter Knowles rose to stardom as a striker for Wolverhampton Wanderers. Scoring 101 goals from just 174 appearances, Knowles also won 4 caps for the England under 23 side. Full international recognition surely beckoned.

In the summer of 1969 Knowles represented Kansas City in a promotional league played in the USA. Knowles returned to Wolverhampton with more than his full time employers had bargained for. While in Kansas, Knowles had become a Jehovah Witness covert.

At the start of the 1969/70 season, Knowles stated: "I shall continue playing football for the time being but I have lost my ambition. Though I still do my best on the field I need more time to learn about the Bible and may give up football."

The eighth game of that season was a 3-3 draw with Nottingham Forest and was the last that Knowles ever played. Aged just 24 at the time of his retirement, Wolverhampton Wanderers retained Knowles' playing registration for a further 12 years, in the vain hope that he would one day make a comeback.

The 1991 album Billy Bragg album Don't Try This at Home, included a song called God's Footballer, which told the story of Peter Knowles. The song featured the lyric:

He scored goals on a Saturday
And saved souls on a Sunday
For the Lord says these are the Last Days
Prepare thyself for the Judgement yet to come

2. Billy Sunday - Baseball

With a name like Billy Sunday, it was little wonder that the Chicago White Stocking's pitcher would develop an interest in religion. Sunday was a professional baseball player during the 1880s and also played for the Pittsburgh Alleghenys and the Philadelphia Phillies.

Having found religion in 1887, Sunday turned down a baseball contract in 1891 worth 3000 dollars a year. Instead he quit the sport and took up a role with the Chicago YMCA for 83 dollars per month, where he undertook ministerial work.

Sunday eventually struck out on his own as an evangelist. His frenetic delivery proved popular at the pulpit and Sunday became the most celebrated American evangelist of the first 2 decades of the 20th Century. In all, Sunday is estimated to have preached to 100 million people, without the aid of loudspeaker, radio or television.

1. Carlos Roa - Soccer

As the goalkeeper for the Argentinean team, Carlos Roa became a hero at the 1998 World Cup. Roa didn't concede a single goal during the group stages and then saved a decisive penalty, to ensure that Argentina eliminated England.

Roa played his club football for the Spanish side Mallorca, though by 1999 it looked as if he would be transferred, with English giants Manchester United and Arsenal both said to be interested to making him their goalkeeper.

Despite this interest, Roa had more pressing concerns on his mind, such as the forthcoming end of the world. Roa was a member of the Seventh day Adventist church and at the age of 29, quit the game to prepare for the apocalypse.

As he explained: "The year 2000 is going to be difficult. In the world, there is war, hunger, plague, much poverty, floods. I can assure you that those people who don't have a spiritual connection with God and the type of life that he wants will be in trouble."

Roa retreated to a desolate ranch in his native Argentina and waited for the day of reckoning. When it proved that the end of the world wasn't as 'nigh' as Roa had first imagined, he returned to Mallorca, where he continued his football career, before moving on to Albacete and Olimpo. At least he was man enough to admit when he was wrong.

A striker for the minor English soccer team Chippenham Town made history for all the wrong reasons at the weekend, when he set a new world record for the quickest ever sending off.

David Pratt 21, received the red card from the referee after just 3 seconds, having made a dangerous tackle in the match against Bashley.

The previous record for the quickest sending off in soccer history, was the 10 seconds it took for Bologna's Giuseppe Lorenzo to receive the red card back in 1990, when he struck an opponent in an Italian league game.

In 2000 the English amateur player Lee Todd was sent off after just 2 seconds, having remarked "Fuck me, that was loud" in response to the referee's whistle at the start of the game. Todd was sent off for using foul and abusive language, but did not make the record books, as the incident occurred in an amateur match.

Mayweather, who retired after knocking out Hatton in the tenth round of their 2007 bout, is keen to make a comeback against the Manchester fighter.

Hatton however, sees a possible fight with Manny Pacquiao at Light-Welterweight as his preferred option, having struggled at the Welterweight limit in his clash with Mayweather.

Nonetheless, a Mayweather v Hatton rematch is an intriguing option. Especially if the press conference is anything like this.

Even Pele named George Best as the greatest player in the world. At Manchester United, Best won the European Cup and two league titles, as well as being crowned the European Footballer of the Year in 1968. Though a winger, Best scored a total of 178 goals for United, before retiring aged just 27.

Best soon made his comeback and flitted between several clubs around the world, but he never found a place that felt as much like home as Old Trafford.

He did of course continue to score goals. Here are the 3 greatest goals by George Best.

3. Manchester United v Tottenham

Best scores with an amazing lob to beat his Northern Ireland colleague Pat Jennings.

2. Manchester United v Sheffield United

A burst of pace allows Best to fly past the Sheffield United defence, before he fires home from a tight angle.

1. San Jose Earthquakes v Fort Lauderdale Strikers

Slightly ruined by the American commentator, but still an unbelievable goal.