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Hodgson's Liverpool Needs Moustaches
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Dan Fitch /
05 July 2010 /
1 Comments
Dan Fitch gets to the bottom of the real problem behind Liverpool's decline.
Roy Hodgson has a tough job ahead of him, as he attempts to restore Liverpool to former glories.
Some say that he must keep hold of Torres and Gerrard, while others think that cashing in on Liverpool's big stars is the only way that he will be able to rebuild the team.
We think that everyone is missing the big picture. The major issue at the heart of Liverpool's current problems, is that none of the current squad have a moustache.
Think about it. Liverpool's great teams of the seventies and eighties were built upon the talents of moustached macho men. If they are to once more reign supreme, then Liverpool's players must make the brave decision to grow a 'mo.
If they need some inspiration, here is a pictorial tribute to Liverpool's greatest moustaches.
Tommy Smith
Does anyone think that today's nancy boy strikers would be sniffing around the Liverpool goal, if they had a player who looked like this in defence?
Terry McDermott
Liverpool's midfielders must first prove that they can grow a moustache like Terry McDermott and only then will they be allowed to copy his hairstyle.
Steve Heighway
It was Heighway's well-sculptured 'tache that gave him the balance needed to deliver dangerous crosses from the flanks.
Mark Lawrenson
Lawrenson only started to sound camp when he made the poor decision to leave his trusty old moustache on the barber shop floor.
David Johnson
Johnson provided the vital facial hair in a strike partnership with the non-moustached Kevin Keegan.
Alan Kennedy
Would those other Kennedys have been assassinated if they sported a 'tache like this?
Ian Rush
The old adage amongst goalkeepers was that when Ian Rush was near enough so that you could see the bristles of his moustache, he had probably just scored.
John Aldridge
When Ian Rush left Liverpool for Italy, the club scoured the country for a striker who was his equal in the moustache stakes. John Aldridge was that man.
Jimmy Case
Case was famed for his powerful shot, which was of course fueled by the Samson-like powers of his facial hair.
Bruce Grobbelaar
Research proves that Liverpool's current goalkeeper Pepe Reina would be 10% more agile if he grew a moustache like Bruce Grobbelaar.
John Wark
Of all Liverpool's moustachiod players, it was only Wark who was brave enough to go for the 'Mexican bandito' look.
Graeme Souness
No one wore a moustache with the confidence of Graeme Souness.
...and if you still need convincing, here is what Steven Gerrard would look like with a moustache. Were Gerrard to turn up for pre-season training with that beast hovering under his nose, then Betfair would be forced to slash Liverpool's title odds.
anteater | 05 July 2010
On the other hand taches didn't prove to be effective for our managers. Souness springs to mind and Benítez gradually lost his plot and job after growing that goatee.