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X Factor betting: which idiot will go? (Dermot a non-runner)

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'Where happy songs make people sad' ... reality TV lovers Chicken Dinner preview the fifth elimination market

Put your hands in the air - it's disco week on X Factor which means two things. First, Dermot will think it hilarious to sport a massive 'fro wig. And second, one of these idiots is going to be weeping themselves to sleep, confused that such a happy song could ruin their lives. But which one?

As ever, this week finds Alisha [3.7] to go on Betfair dangling over the edge by the slenderest of threads, so Sharon theoretically is going to have to pull something astonishing out of the bag to stay on the show (this week, Candi Staton's Young Hearts Run Free). However, to avoid the nightmare scenario of the dreadful Osbourne being without talent in more ways than one, expect the other judges to talk Alisha up as if she were Maria Callas.

Possibly in greater danger is Beverley [5.3]. She peaked during Big Band week, and last week's bottom two shocker (for her anyway, not The Dinner) proved how fast this audience forgets. Her biggest problem is that she brings nothing new to the table (same vein as Rowetta and Brenda, both fourth).

Leon [4.8] is making his utter uselessness his selling point. His tough life so far has included "folding trousers" and "servicing the general public", whatever that means. In the early shows, his petrified stage presence worked to his advantage, but now, with his confidence finally there, people could go off him once his underdog status evaporates. It's disco week, he can't dance, and he's doing Relight My Fire. Bad choice. But he's also the only "attainable" male. Vexing.

Groups of strangers never fare well (best: Eton Road, fifth, last year) and Hope [6.4] are starting to experience the pressure. Viewers demand that their singing troupes be related (MacDonald Brothers, Conway Sisters, Journey South etc), so it's hard to say who would vote for five superhot should-be-WAGs singing Gimme Gimme Gimme. On the plus side though, should they find themselves back on Civvy Street they can always take tips from their new pal Leon on "servicing the general public".

Same Difference [6.4] could benefit hugely from it being disco week - already absurdly camp, put them in glittery outfits singing Feels Like I'm in Love, and the country's lovers of swishy entertainment will be grabbing for the nearest phone. They are this year's MacDonald Brothers/Chico (ie. just won't go away).

Niki [12.0], sings Hot Stuff, and Rhydian [120], Go West, are safe - the judges would never vote them out even if they were in a bottom two showdown with each other.

Alisha is the fifth elimination favourite. Watch a video of her performance of Valerie, Amy Winehouse's cover of The Zutons' hit, here