X-Factor / Jack Houghton / 24 October 2009 / Leave a comment

Rachel continues to perform horribly, back her for the bottom two this week, says Jack Houghton

"The Girls' category looks difficult. Despite poor performances last week, Stacey and Lucie are both likely to go deep into the competition, but none of the prices available offer any value. Rachel, by contrast, limps from one terrible showing to another and, performing in a genre that cannot suit, it's hard to see how she will not be in the bottom two come Sunday night."

Roll up, roll up, roll up. It's big band night and, as our favourite big-tent performers and side-show freaks sit nervously in their caravans practising Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin and Connie Francis; the outside world is reeling at another long week of fantastical X Factor news.

After the furore over Dannii's comments to Danyl in week one - the press are calling it Bi-Gate (presumably, the gate opens both ways) - Ofcom complaints stood at 4,000. Another week gone and that figure has spiralled out of control - to a whopping 4,032. This time viewers are irate because, in their opinion, both Whitney Houston and Cheryl Cole lip-synced (with their songs, not each other), when both performances were billed as "live".

Oh yeah, and one complaint said Houston looked a bit funny after her performance and kept looking at the floor. Crikey. Good job my anglepoise writers' lamp has no plans to appear on the show: it looks very funny and never looks at anything but the floor.

Meanwhile, chief clown Brian Friedman has been at it again: claiming he is "limited" by the new X Factor stage. Thank you God. In a series where campo-Brian has already managed to weave in aerial entrances; Perspex steps; hotel concierge trolleys; and more back-flipping, greased-up, dance troupes than you'd find in the Chippendales' back catalogue; it's about time he felt limited by something.

Austin Drage, or Ugly-Wuggly from last year, fears the show is becoming more and more like Big Brother. John and Edward (together they are John and Edward) are no more than "monkeys in cages" according to reject-Drage. Well, maybe Austin. But every circus needs its side-show. When the insatiable audience has had its fill of the artistry and precision of the high-wire act (Joseph), they like to go next door and poke fun at the deformed and demented characters who will never make the big tent (John, Edward and you (together you are Three Monkeys in a Cage)).

In other news: reports allege that Cowbell has had £20,000 spent on leather goods for his X Factor dressing Room. Ironic really. JLS and Bon Jovi are both booked in to appear on the show. My best-friend Matt will be pleased; he loves JLS. Dannii is all set to be interviewed by Piers Morgan on Life Stories. And Boyzone might be appearing on the show in a tribute to Gately. Right, you're up to date.

There are two types of tipster in this world. Those that give precise selections, the odds to be taken, and a recommended stake; and those who make vague overtones in the direction of a handful of possible selections. Those that talk of their successes and failures; and those that prefix a selection with phrases like "if you must have a wager", and then create a fanfare the following week if it happens to win. Integrity folks - that's why you visit this page over others.

Integrity this week comes in the form of Olly. Increasingly impressive, big band night should be his strongest, and it's time to have one point on him at [3.4] in the Over 25s market, and at [8.2] in the Winner market. He's the best of Simon's representatives - talented and likeable - qualities Jamie and Danyl can barely muster between them.

The Girls' category looks difficult. Despite poor performances last week, Stacey and Lucie are both likely to go deep into the competition, but none of the prices available offer any value. Rachel, by contrast, limps from one terrible showing to another and, performing in a genre that cannot suit, it's hard to see how she will not be in the bottom two come Sunday night. I'm having three points on that at [1.76].

This week's recommendations:
3 pts BACK Rachel at [1.76] in Bottom Two market.
1 pt BACK Olly at [3.4] in Over 25s market.
1 pt BACK Olly at [8.2] in Winner market.

Already Recommended:
1 pt BACK Dannii at [2.48] in Winning Judge market.
1 pt BACK Cheryl at [8.0] in Winning Judge market.
1 pt BACK Joseph at [12.0] in Winner market.
1 pt BACK Lloyd at [25.0] in Winner market.

Already Settled (+3.4 pts):
2 pts BACK Rachel at [2.7] in Bottom Two market - WON.

Tags: Cheryl Cole, Olly, Rachel, X Factor