I'd Do Anything Betting: Jessie Would Do Anyfink!

I'd Do Anything / Editor / 16 April 2008 / 2 Comments

"Ta-Ra, Tara." Paul Sorene brings us bang up to date with the latest news from the BBC's new reality TV headhunting exercise.

Tara had given full throat to the pop tune Let's Hear It For The Boy. Well, not quite. Tara had been ill, so she injected her performance with a sympathetic back story. Anyone who saw her performance, an end-of-the-pier rendition of Let's Hear It For The Boy may have wonder how Tara had been afflicted. Had her legs gone? That would explain her dancing, which seemed to have been inspired in equal parts by the Maori Haka and the Honey Monster Two-Step? It turned out that Tara had had a cold in "da dose".

"I'm just not sure you'd be able to do eight shows a week," said Andrew Lloyd-Webber, who seems to be auditioning for the part of the Child Snatcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Andrew was left with no choice but to wave a fond adieu to "the lovely, cheeky, poppy" Tara, whose head-to-head with Keisha took in a rendering of the Wizard Of Oz classic Somewhere Over The Rainbow, uniquely sung in melodic shades of grey.

"Cheeky poppy" Tara was not down at being given the boot. Says she: "I've learnt so much from these amazing teachers." Chiefly, she's learnt that she's not good enough to be Nancy nor appear in a lead role on the West End stage. Thanks. Lesson over. Next!

So here's Jessie, hot favourite to be Nancy on account of her being more talented then all the others. Jessie is [2.7] to get the nod. Of course it would not do for Jessie, a shoo-in to win, to be cocky. Says she: "I am always really worried that I'll be in the sing off, and I'm never 100% confident because you just never know how the public are going to react to you or the panel. So I bring myself down and think 'right, you have one and half minutes to prove you could be Nancy, so get up there and do your thing!"

Her thing is good enough. The only thing Jessie can't do is speak English like wot it shood bey spowke 'n Lond'n Tahn. Although why she needs an accent and can't rely on her native Irish lilt is a mystery. Were there no Irish people in London during Charles Dickens' time?

So Jessie is swotting up. Says she: "There's always room for improvement no matter who you are, and this week I want to improve on my acting skills and my accent - I'll be studying EastEnders like there's no tomorrow!"

In EastEnders there might as well be no tomorrow, it being as dreary and depressing as today. Jessie might like to note that EastEnders is not a fly-on-the-wall show but a soap opera in which actors pretend to be hard-faced London geysers and geysettes. Should she shave her head and start talking in a raspy whisper like the show's Phil Mitchell her chances of success may well be stymied.

That tactic would have one major advantage, however, in that it would give her the option of breaking her rivals' legs, and as such should not be totally discounted. Back Jessie to win it before her odds are slimmer than Lloyd-Webber's fingers...

Comments (2)

1. elaine | 01 June 2008

   Jessie

   i have watched for the entire time of the show. you were always my fav and to night you were thr star that shun beyond expectatiton. It was like listening to somewhere over the rainbow a million times. i am so pissed of, i thought a bout that for a while but you are the most amszing star that i have seen. be famous jessie. i think you are the best star in the sky. i just read that i am 35 , you ar AMAZZZZZZING

2. Cheryl | 02 June 2008

   Jessie throughout was by far the best - she has an amzing future - You go for it Gal, I can't wait to see you performing.

   The person I least liked throughout was Jodie so you can imagine how gutted I was with the result!

   Cheryl :-)