Celebrity Big Brother: Feizal's Thoughts Part One - Latoya, Mutya, Vern, Coolio and Tommy

Celebrity Big Brother / Feizal Rahman / 06 January 2009 / Leave a Comment

Betfair "Specials" supremo Feizal Rahman gives us his initial thoughts on a famous sibling, a "bitchy" popstar, a world-famous dwarf and a once-famous chart topper.

A rather underwhelming opening night to Celebrity Big Brother 2009 will have left many BB fans with the unfulfilling sense of having seen it all before. The 'celebrity' casting for the show must have taken all of 5 minutes: Michael Jackson sibling? Check. Left-wing firebrand? Check. Sven-Goran Eriksson conquest? Check. Slightly overbearing American? Check. Busty glamour model? Check. Former popstar from a boyband no-one can quite remember? Check. Even Davina went all nostalgic by donning what looked to be Pete Burns' infamous gorilla coat.

First up to sell her soul to the reality TV beelzebub was former songstress La Toya Jackson - though 80's sci-fi fans would have been forgiven for thinking that E.T. had made his long-anticipated comeback. While unquestionably a genuine celebrity in her own right, any relation to pop music's most extraordinary figure will always be vicariously referred to and, much like older brother Jermaine, La Toya is present simply because of her younger kin, Michael.

The delicately framed La Toya comes across as a nervous and troubled figure with perhaps a deeper story to tell rather than merely dishing the dirt on the King of Pop. It didn't take long for details of a violent previous marriage to be aired and claims that she doesn't go out and socialise paint a sombre portrait of a rather sad and lonely figure with a disturbed upbringing - a characteristic that perhaps runs throughout the Jackson family.

Having traded as high as [46.0] on the opening night, La Toya is now down to [8.0] to win. With her softly-spoken and innocent manner, it's hard to see why anyone would not like Ms. Jackson enough to vote her off and with maybe more to unravel, she may well go as far as runner-up Jermaine two years ago.

Next, we went from one of the most famous names in music to one of the most exotic. Former Sugababe, Mutya Buena, ungraciously trotted in wearing a hideous leopard-print kimono that barely covered her hips, leaving us all exposed to her unsightly leg tattoos. Showing the kind of forced politeness that only an American can, an aghast La Toya nevertheless complimented the singer on her outfit.

Entering the house under the tabloid perception of being a 'bitch', Mutya initially appears rather more amiable than expected. By keeping her powder dry and letting the others get on with it, she may be able to come into her own in the latter stages. One of only two females with the apparent potential to be a stayer, one does wonder though exactly where her mass support will come from when needed and she currently trades at [26.0] to win.

Third in was 2ft 8in Austin Powers star, Verne Troyer - albeit via the diary room to avoid 50ft of stairs and lugging his suitcase behind him as if it were a Stonehenge monolith. While producers will no doubt claim they are exercising equality by bringing a dwarf into the house, it's obvious to most that Verne is simply there to test the reactions of the other celebrities and those of the viewing public themselves.

Unsurprisingly then, the Mini-Me actor was installed as the immediate favourite to win, going as low as [2.38], now levelled off at around [3.1]. Labelled as 'cute' by Davina several times during the opening show, Verne will have to turn out to be the secret love-child of Fred and Rose West to not win the hearts of the nation. Though no doubt there'll be plenty of layers around hoping he turns out to be a right nasty little bugger.

Instantly building a rapport with the undersized actor was US rapper, Coolio, the current [7.0] second favourite. In trying to establish himself as the alpha-male of the group, the 45-year-old's overly-congenial persona has already started to grate on some fellow celebrities and no doubt many viewers. There's something about loud Americans (particularly black ones) that the British public just don't take to. They are, literally, from another culture and it's not something many over here can relate to enough to gain their all-important phone vote.

The Gangsta's Paradise star may just be too coolio for schoolio and there possibly won't be enough going on in the house to stimulate his rampant mind - other than the irresistible temptation to hotwire Verne's mini-scooter for a joyride around the house. And judging by his reaction to Mutya's less than discreet dress, he may have at least one thing to focus on after all.

Following in the footsteps of fellow Scottish Socialist, George Galloway, is political agitator Tommy Sheridan. Noted for his defiance of the establishment, Tommy is a man well-known north of the border but will have left many down south - and inside the house itself - wondering just who the hell he is. Looking to revive his flagging career - much as this show did for Galloway - Tommy's incentive for lowering himself into a capitalistic celebrity cesspit is large and clear.

However, likely to be far more streetwise than Gorgeous George, the tikka-tinged revolutionary ([48.0] to win) will surely not put himself in potentially embarrassing situations such as squeezing into a leotard and pretending to be a cat. It's doubtful anyone in or out of the house will be interested in any political message the left-winger may wish to broadcast - his 'talent show' tirade about Iraq was nothing we haven't heard before - so here's hoping the more colourful parts of Tommy's character shine through to avoid him fading back into political and public obscurity.

To read Feizal's views on the remaining contestants click here.