Celebrity Big Brother 2009 / Dan Fitch / 21 January 2009 / Leave a comment

Coolio and Terry snuggle up, a haircut causes a frisson of sexual excitement and it's cheerio to Michelle. Dan Fitch discusses the latest movements in the house and in the market in preparation for tonight's double eviction .

It was the day after the chilli eating competition and unsurprisingly some of the housemates still hadn't quite recovered. Big Brother tried to call everyone together to explain a new task, but Verne was stuck on the toilet.

Verne's bowel movements probably weren't helped by a steady flow of housemates knocking on the toilet door to see if he was ok. It's not every day that you're stuck on the khazi and talking to a Jackson on the other side of the door.

When Verne finally joined his sniggering housemates, they were given a task, which required them to make a film about the Big Brother experience. As the housemate with the most experience of making movies, Verne was selected to be the director. Verne is [1.66] to win.

One scene saw Verne, Coolio and La Toya recreating their quiz about British culture. For some reason Verne was sitting in a high chair, which was a rather unsettling image. The scene required Verne to get upset with his housemates and pretend to cry.

As he wailed, Verne looked like some sort of demonic, elderly baby. The scene probably made the producers of the forthcoming movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button wonder why they'd spent all that money on CGI when they could have just cast the guy who played Mini-Me.

Verne was involved in another disturbing scene. None of the housemates wanted to portray Mutya, probably because they thought that to do the role justice, they'd have to spend several hours under a tattooist's needle.

It was decided that a baby doll should represent Mutya. Verne had to recreate the scene of his drunken night in the house and he took the opportunity to get off with the doll/Mutya. It was like something out of a David Lynch film, though thankfully Verne didn't really freak me out, by then starting to talk backwards.

The housemates finished the film. Clearly in a rather playful mood, Big Brother requested that the housemates indulge in some rather random tasks. Tommy was made to stand on one leg, Coolio and Terry were asked to cuddle each other, Ulrika could only speak Swedish and La Toya had to repeat everything anyone said.

Coolio wasn't very comfortable with being cuddled by Terry, in case any of the guys in his hood saw the footage and got the wrong idea. The last person that looked this uncomfortable when sitting in close proximity to Terry, was Mark Lamarr on The Word. Coolio is now [44.0].

Ulrika started to teach Ben some crude Swedish phrases. Was I the only one watching, who during this scene, could imagine nothing else but Sven Goran Eriksson whispering into Ulrika's ear? Ulrika is now the third favourite at [17.0].

Later on, Michelle started to cut Ben's hair. Any man who's had their hair cut by a woman will know that the experience often provides a frisson of sexual excitement. The way the hairdresser runs her fingers through your hair, as her bosom gently brushes past your ear... frankly it's a good job that they give us those gowns to wear.

But of course there's nothing going on between Ben and Michelle, because she's got Hugh and he's got his bird off Facebook. I hope Michelle has the good grace to send Coolio an apology, when she and Ben are on the front cover of Heat together.

The housemates settled down to watch the film, when Davina appeared and told Michelle that she'd been evicted. Once she'd gone, Ben cut an isolated figure in the house and complained to Big Brother that the boys were very cliquey and fame obsessed.

That's probably because their 'fame' doesn't consist of a couple of number one records that no one can remember, followed by five years of total anonymity. Ben is now [20.0] to win.

With the housemates starting to get a bit bored, they decided to give fake nominations. Terry's were particularly funny, as he choose to 'fake nominate' the exact same two people (Verne and Ben) that he actually nominated and gave identical reasons as to why he'd choose them. Terry has now shortened to [4.0] to win the show.

It's a double eviction tonight. Tommy is the [1.06] certainty to go, followed by Coolio at [2.8], Ben at [3.0], La Toya at [3.25] and Ulrika at [4.2], with Verne at [25] and Terry at [27] the rank outsiders.

Personally I think that either La Toya or Ulrika will join Tommy. I hope it's the latter, as I'm not sure that I can put up with Ulrika's faux tears again.