Celebrity Big Brother 2009 / Dan Fitch / 20 January 2009 / Leave a comment

As Michelle departs, Dan Fitch is impressed by La Toya's low cut dress, less impressed by tabloid eviction predictions. Meanwhile the chilli challenge crashes the party and Tommy is a certainty to go...

Yesterday I reported that The Mirror had broken a story claiming that Ulrika and Coolio would be up for eviction last night. I reckoned that we could probably trust the story, on the basis of the fact that Piers Morgan is no longer the editor of the paper.

In the future I shall believe nothing that is written in that rag. As anyone who watched last night's live eviction show will know, it was actually Ulrika and Michelle who were up for the chop.

Last night's show kicked off with the second round of nominations. Here are the highlights, broken down into delicious bite-sized chunks:

Ulrika received five nominations, generally for being too controlling. Ben was also fed up with her complaining about him leaving the toilet seat up. We've all been there, son.

Michelle received three nominations. Coolio accused her of trying to 'de-gloss his shine'. Tommy reckoned that she was immature, though I think this is a bit much from a man that I haven't once seen wearing a pair of long trousers, in the past two weeks.

Terry voted for Ben because he fears that an A1 reunion could be on the cards.

Michelle voted for Tommy because she thought that his continual use of the word 'brother' was an attempt to ingratiate himself with Coolio, as she is too thick to realise that the word also has socialist connotations.

Despite what The Mirror might have reported, Coolio only received two votes. Coolio is now [30.0] to win the show.

There was more evidence of Terry's sharp wit, when Ulrika pondered what her life might have been like if she had attended private school. Terry quipped: "You'd have ended up thinking you were better than everyone else."

Even Ulrika had to laugh at that, although she did then walk straight into the diary room and immediately nominate Terry. So perhaps she didn't think it was that funny. Terry is [5.5] to win.

They say it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for and La Toya certainly proved herself to be a dark horse, when she revealed that she had a spell as a cop for an American reality show. La Toya certainly got Coolio's respect, when she let slip that she was legally entitled to carry a Glock, even through airport security. Apparently La Toya has arrested 200 people. Why don't you make it 201 and put that creepy brother of yours behind bars?

The housemates were given a chilli-eating task. Each housemate was given a bowl containing three chilli and had to take it in turns to eat one. For each chilli consumed, Big Brother rewarded the group with an item for a party. Housemates were permitted to pass, if they felt they couldn't eat the chilli.

Coolio began by nonchalantly chomping on the chilli, as if it were an apple. He looked somewhat less nonchalant, when seconds later he began to suffer convulsions and tears were welling in his eyes.

I was particularly impressed with Verne's effort. Again, you have to look at things in relation to his size. Verne eating a normal size chilli is the equivalent of anyone else eating a watermelon-sized chilli. So full kudos to Verne, who is now the [1.49] favourite.

Verne was soon locked in the toilet, while Terry walked around whistling 'Ring of Fire'. The experience of eating the chilli obviously ruined everyone's party mood, as within an hour of it kicking off, there was just Terry, Tommy and Coolio left standing, though perhaps it was just the company that made everyone else go to bed.

They soon got to bitching about Michelle, who Terry reckoned was representative of all the thick people that vote on reality shows. Those thick voters obviously didn't like what was staring at them in the mirror, as they voted Michelle to leave over Ulrika. The Swede is now [24.0] to win.

The housemates were in the middle of watching a film that they had made, when Davina interrupted with the news of Michelle's eviction. All the men were in tuxedos and the women in evening dresses. Looking particularly radiant was La Toya, who was wearing a low cut dress that really showed off The Jackson Two.

La Toya has now slipped to [25.0] in the betting. The reason? We now have a positive vote on our hands, with the two housemates with the least votes, to be evicted on Wednesday. Which means that Tommy is a [1.16] certainty to depart the house.

Only the brothers can save him now.