Celebrity Big Brother 2009 / Dan Fitch / 18 January 2009 / Leave a comment

Verne reflects on his drunken escapades and Michelle proves herself to be one of the less intellectually athletic housemates as the battle of the sexes ensues. Dan Fitch reports on Day 16.

We've all been there. You wake up the morning after the night before, unable to remember a single thing about your drunken escapades. Luckily, when I've awoken in similar circumstances, I've at least had the consolation that the whole embarrassing incident hasn't been broadcast live on national television.

Nor do I later remember, driving a mobility scooter at top speed into a door. Well OK, there was that one time, but you only turn 18 once, don't you?

Poor Verne couldn't remember a thing, though like any good mates, the blokes in the house soon filled him in on everything that he'd done to embarrass himself. He obviously didn't do anything to upset the Betfair punters, as he remains the [1.69] favourite.

Michelle complained to Big Brother in the diary room, that she didn't like seeing Verne get drunk and trying it on with the female housemates. He's alright normally when he sits quietly and looks all cute, but he spoils things when he tries to behave like a normal human being.

The housemates were given a task that would determine which was the stronger sex. They were divided into two teams by their gender, which was quite convenient considering that most of the women were no longer talking to the men.

Tommy went head to head against Michelle in a task to prove who was the best at multi-tasking. In reality the task proved nothing, other than the fact that Michelle is really thick.

They were both given a series of questions to answer, whilst they also had to iron a shirt with classical music blaring in the background. Michelle failed to name the capital of Australia, thought that there was 352 days in a year and reckoned there were only six eggs in a dozen.

Quite aside from the distractions, you got the impression that Michelle wouldn't have been able to answer the questions, even if she was given access to the internet and had a full set of the encyclopaedia Britannica in front of her. The dozy Geordie is [85.0] to win.

The housemates also did a task to see which was the braver sex. They were told that a tarantula spider would be released into the darkened task room. To prove their bravery, each team had to simply enter the task room and stand there while the spider crawled around.

Of course, in reality there was no spider in the room. As tempting as it must be to release a creature into the house that could kill any of these nonentities with a single bite, there are legal issues to consider. So in effect, all the housemates had to do was to stand in a room with the lights off.

The power of suggestion was too strong for Ulrika [44.0], Tina and Mutya, leaving just Michelle and La Toya [12.0] to enter the room together. Having heard their hysterical wailing, the boys entered the room. Verne admitted to being scared of spiders, which is not surprising when you consider that in terms of relative size, a tarantula crawling around, is to him the equivalent of a poisonous Alsatian being let loose, for regular-sized folk.

The rest of the tasks must have been really boring, as they didn't bother to show them. The men triumphed in 4 out of the 6 tasks and were proclaimed the stronger sex. They were rewarded with lager and pizza, which they were forbidden from sharing with the girls.

Later on, Michelle had her daily disagreement with Coolio and claimed that she would walk out of the house if not evicted. Yet when Tina was revealed to be the evicted housemate, all the talk of Michelle leaving had been forgotten about, despite Mutya staying true to her word and walking out.

Before long Michelle was crying again and complaining about Coolio. By now it was dawning on Terry and the rest of the housemates, that Michelle is an attention seeker, who uses her spats with Coolio to get attention. Terry has now dropped to just [4.3].

Coolio summed Michelle up, while simultaneously boasting of his sexual prowess: "I have literally been around thousands of women. She's one of the kind of girls, when she gets drunk, she forgets about her boyfriend."

Such insight from a man, who hasn't even seen the tabloid revelations regarding Michelle's marital infidelities. Get on the sure to be nominated Michelle at [3.0] to be the third evictee.