Celebrity Big Brother 2009 / Dan Fitch / 17 January 2009 / Leave a comment

Verne's price crashes with his trolley, Tina goes, Mutya follows - Dan Fitch has the all the latest from the Celebrity Big Brother house...

Before Tina was evicted last night, we were treated to what we'd all been waiting for. Tina vs. Coolio.

The seeds of the argument were sown when Tina decided that she wanted a separate shopping budget from the rest of the house. Tina came to this decision because everyone else insisted upon buying silly things like fresh fruit and vegetables, rather than blowing it all on pork scratchings and microwaveable pizzas.

Before long, Ulrika, Michelle and Mutya had all decided that they wanted to do the same thing. The other housemates declared this action, childish. Especially annoyed was Coolio, who refused to let Ulrika read out the list in case she gave priority to the individual lists, over the group list.

This was the moment when it all kicked off. In the same sense that the only way a fight could ever break out between a lion and a polar bear, was if a major mistake was made at a zoo, only a neutral, unnatural habitat, could play host to a fight between a mouthy Scouse fishwife and a rapper from Compton.

The fight essentially consisted of a lot of very loud swearing. At one point Tina bellowed: "No xxxxing man will ever tell me to shush." Are you sure? I've been shouting 'shush', every time you've appeared on my telly for the past fortnight.

Coolio was called to the diary room and inevitably got the last word in as he departed. "Your big ass mouth... Hungry ass." Though this statement didn't really make sense, it somehow summed Tina up perfectly. Coolio is now [32.0] to win.

The two scrappers went off to lick their wounds amongst their own entourages. Coolio commented, that no one should take culinary tips from someone who looks like a bowling ball with legs. Meanwhile, Tina was incensed that Coolio had been so rude to Ulrika - a married woman, with four children and a respectable career. You had me until the respectable career part.

Tired of all the fighting, Big Brother gave the housemates a task whereby if they could all stop moaning for one hour, then they would be given a party and messages from home. The housemates decided that the only way that they could guarantee to not argue was to be completely silent for an hour.

Having managed the seemingly impossible, of getting Tina and Coolio to not talk about themselves for a full sixty minutes, the housemates passed their task. The resulting party provided the other highlight of the show.

We all knew what the result would be, upon seeing Verne pick up a glass of champagne that was roughly the size of his own head. Before long, Verne was completely trolleyed, which is a problem when your main way of getting around the house is driving around in an electric shopping cart.

Verne was called to the diary room and tried to gain access by driving as fast as he could, into the door. Having convinced Big Brother that they weren't going to have a death on their hands, Verne set about chatting up La Toya, but was hindered by the fact that he could no longer speak coherent English.

Throughout all of this, Ulrika was intent on treating Verne in the same patronising manner, that you would a toddler who had downed a bottle of vodka. At one point she said: "Are you being naughty? I'll spank you young man." For the record Ulrika, Verne is 40-years-old.

Nothing endears someone to the British public than a willingness to get really drunk and Verne's price has crashed to just [1.55]. Terry is the second favourite at [5.7], with La Toya at [11.5].

The sight of Tina in lycra may have been sickening, but it had nothing on her eviction outfit. She departed the house wearing a see through chiffon blouse. The image was so repellent that health watchdogs might consider putting it on packets of crisps.

Also departing the house was Mutya. Having seen Tina evicted, she decided that she couldn't stay in the house any longer and walked out. Her rumoured £75,000 fee is now at risk, but let's face it, she would just have squandered it on fags and tracksuits anyway.

Mutya is now back in the arms of the people she loves the most - her daughter, her mum and most precious of all, her tattooist. I wonder if he could do her a picture of Coolio?