Celebrity Big Brother 2009 / Alan Dudman / 14 January 2009 / Leave a comment

Alan Dudman regrets opening his big mouth about Tina Malone after she opened her bigger one. This week he settles for falling in love with Latoya, calling for the return of Ulrika's spandex suit and making sensational claims about his fighting skills...

Many years ago I accompanied my ex-girlfriend to her annual work do.

As said ex mingled with all the right people to mingle with, I was left at a table with two guys. I tried to make conversation but they didn't like football, cricket or racing. They hated sport, didn't bet, didn't drink, certainly wouldn't smoke and sure as hell would never have written about Celebrity Big Brother.

I was losing the will to live when along came the clincher.......

"We're into our bikes and we love speedway," said wotshisname.

I was lumbered. And that is exactly how I feel after tipping up Tina Malone as a trade in my first instalment of 'babewatch'.

Having advised her as a canny bet at [17.00], her potty mouth has ensured a whopping great rise to [190.00] to kill off any hopes I had. I was James Bond when I started this mission - handed to me by 'The Pacman' - however I am looking more like Jenny Bond at the moment....who trades at 160, and she isn't even in it!

(Please note Jenny Bond is not, I repeat not in CBB).

At the time of writing there are just 10 days to go, and with a male winner trading at a near basement price of [1.1], it seems the women have got zero chance....well [7.00] in that market anyway.

Let's look at the chances of this motley bunch.

La Toya Jackson:

Is it me or is she becoming quite likeable? This seems to have been reflected in the market, with a hefty cut to [11.50] to be outright winner. She is by far the best backed woman out of the five, although that's almost like saying I am harder than Graham Norton.

Loved her talent showcase task - in which she performed her brother's song. And also fared up well with the 'Queen's English' task...although I'm still not sure about Verne's Aussie tone!

It was interesting that after nominations she told Verne she knew exactly who was going or staying. At [1.61] in the 'Top Female' market, it would be stupid to lay her at that price, the value surely lies with her in the outright price. And we all know how good I am that particular one!

She has what most of the other women seem to lack - warmth and compassion. Her genuine concern for the crying Michelle Heaton on Tuesday night will have put her in a good light.

Ulrika Jonsson

A reality TV natural. We've had tears, tantrums, arguments, quit threats, the 'I miss my family' line, and a good old bit of bitchiness and back-stabbing.

I said she was a lay in the top female market, and I am stil convinced this is the case (although she has actually shortened a touch to [4.80]).

Terry Christian, Coolio and La Toya all seem to have her card marked and all put her forward for nomination. Those three are perhaps the more powerful
members of the house, and as she has sided with Tina and Mutya, her
chances are not great.

However, trading at [10.6] for eviction on Friday, I think she is safe this week.

Oh and can we bring back the tight spandex suits? I rather enjoyed her in that the other day. I could perhaps control the buzzer?

Mutya Buena

Mutya, Mutya, Mutya...where do we start? I was going to say she is nearly as boring as Ben Adams, but no one can ever be as boring as Ben Adams.

The deluded Buena seems to think she is still some kind of singing superstar. She got very ratty when someone suggested she sang 'backing' with George Michael, and also wondered the other day why the press didn't give her more respect.

Well Mutya, if you could sing, you wouldn't be in da house.

The former Sugababe came with a reputation as fiery and bitchy, yet all she has done is lounge around in a dressing gown....and I do that everyday! She has been a massive disappointment.

Mutya is up for nomination this week and I think at [20.00] for the second eviction on Friday is a decent price. I will be backing her to go at those odds.

Michelle Heaton

Think Diana Ross, Mariah Carey and Aretha Franklin. And then think Michelle Heaton......voices like caviar and porridge. Oh so
dull and oh so talentless - her stock is lower than a snake's belly.

She went into the house hoping to resurrect her singing career. However, after her rendition of Liberty X's most famous song (yes you know the one), it's fair to say the charts will be a Heaton-free zone for a long time.

She can't sing for toffee, but boy she looks good in a black leather catsuit.

Michelle is also up for nomination this week, and like Mutya is desperate to leave the house. Her price for eviction on Friday is [5.5], although that's about right, I think she might just be
safe...unlike her career.

Tina f*****g Malone

Ok, she wasn't the greatest trade ever recommended, but she has actually been very funny to watch.

There have been great moments in TV..... the '86 World Cup with Maradona, and now I can vividly recall the sight of Malone picking and then eating her toenails! Are you sure?!

If this wasn't bad enough, she was on camera squeezing a spot on Monday evening.....urgghhh.

The Shameless star has backed all the right people in the house though,
she is best buddies with Tezza and is now getting on much better with Coolio.

Favourite Verne, however, put her up for nomination this Friday, citing the fact she is loud and doesn't let anyone speak. I say carry on Tina...who wants to hear what Ben has to say. Actually does Ben speak?

Malone is currently [1.37] to get evicted come the end of the week. I think the show will be better with her in it, so fingers crossed she stays.

Recommendations:

Back Mutya Bunena for 2nd eviction at [20.0]
Back La Toya in winner market at [11.5]
Lay Ulrika in Top Female market at around [5.0]