Big Brother 9 Winners Market, Week 7: Godless dullness

Big Brother 11 / Chicken Dinner / 21 July 2008 / Leave a Comment

"She stares off alone into the night with the eyes of one who hates for just being born," sang Bruce Springsteen. If only, sigh Chicken Dinner, as a humungous-eyed Angelina Jolie wannabee swinging from a tyre becomes a frightening symbol of the postmodern malady.

After a troubled life enduring terrifying African civil wars and veering from one violent crisis to the next, Mo's emotional scars are starting to show - he spends much of his time in the house silently weeping or mindlessly binge-eating during the night. It's genuinely distressing, and Big Brother should probably err on the side of caution when selecting their housemates next time around.

This year has featured far too many people with genuine real-life problems, rendering it a bit short on fun. Should he face eviction, Mohamed [[110.00] to win on Betfair] will probably go, adding yet another tick to the long list of bad things that have happened in his life. Were there a God, he'd win. But, apparently, there isn't.

Mohamed and Kat ([3.15]) aside, this year is showcasing a dramatic gender divide amongst the voting public. Bookended by the cheerful Thai and the sobbing Somalian are six boys, followed by the five remaining girls. For the first year in a long time, it seems that the BB employees feverishly toiling behind the scenes have failed to locate a female worth liking. Rachel [28.0] is far too earnest, she has totally killed Wales' reputation for churning out cheerful buxom girls like Charlotte Church and the podgy one from last year ("Wangers"). Like Imogen Thomas (series seven), she is magnificently dull.

Behind Rachel is Bex [70.0], a girl so clued-up on Big Brother history that she appears to be desperately trying to add to her "best bits" whenever she does anything. Hence she can't have breakfast without starting a food fight, if she goes for a swim she skinny dips, and she has developed a terrifying inability to go sleep without first making sure that Luke is suitably aroused. Don't be surprised to see her further outstay her welcome, but not win.

Making up the last batch of females are Sara [75.0], Maysoon [75.0] and Lisa [75.0], all impossible to separate in the odds. Maysoon, in particular, is anodyne beyond belief. Watching her brainlessly swinging from a tyre in the head-of-house competition was literally her most exciting moment, and all the while she said nothing - she just stared into the middle distance with her humungous eyes.

There is literally nothing she can do to win the show. The same goes for Sara, who, by being forced to endure another week in "Hell", appears unpopular in the house. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Her job was to go in and cause a big stir with the guys, but absolutely none of them seem to fancy her. Not even slightly. She failed, and will not last. That her voice makes the same sound as a synthesizer malfunctioning doesn't help.

As for Lisa, she too is unpopular enough to languish in "Hell", and as a woman in her 40s, she never really stood a chance. The novelty of being the first Big Brother couple wore off the minute her other half strode from the house.

And so to the popular gents, now making it interesting at the top. Luke [5.8], Dale [7.2] and Darnell [8.4] all have a chance of winning the thing. Luke has recovered from his mystery virus and is back to his more comical self, while Darnell is now one of the stronger voices in the house. The most surprising of the three is Dale, who by showing a bit of confidence and personality - as a normal human being would - looks a more likely winner with each passing day. Being something of a looker will work to his advantage too.

Rex ([14.5]), Mikey ([17.5]), and Stuart ([21.0]) all have no chance of winning, but will be around for a while yet. Rex is far too posh, Stuart far too dull, and Mikey might be blind, but that's no excuse.

ChickenDinner predicts: Mo out on Friday, Dale to win.