Big Brother 11 / Chicken Dinner / 30 June 2008 / 1

The Big Brother brawl has been like a William Burroughs' cut-up for the form book with housemates transforming from David Brent to Gandolf and thick buckets of mud struggling to bounce back.

The fallout from Fight Night has been huge, with brainless Big Brother contestants falling back on their conviction that people appreciate being told about their bad points - preferably in list form, every day. That way, Jennifer can stomp into the boy's room whenever she's feeling bored, and explain to Rex that he is unpopular because he's posh, humourless, and makes her feel this small. But God forbid he should reply in kind, else there will be tears.

Fight Night Losers

Jennifer [250.0] to win on Betfair - down from [40.0] just a few days ago thanks to some abhorrent Spitgate behavior. Her over-reaction to Rex damaging her painting caused the fight, and her relentless stirring of the pot in the aftermath will have alienated a massive portion of the female voters - many of whom will have been rooting for the plucky single mum. By flirting with both Dale and Stuart, she has morphed into an evil manipulator, and should she face eviction this week, she will almost certainly go.

Dale ([48.0] from [40.0] last week] and Stuart ([60.0], from [34.0] last week). Almost indistinguishable, their role appears to involve wandering about the house inadvertently making their pectoral muscles bounce, before talking earnestly to Jennifer about unmacho things like feelings and how they cry sometimes. By ganging up on Rex and Mohamed for little apparent reason, they ended up looking like a pair of prats. Dale, in particular, is becoming increasingly moody and forlorn.

Rebecca ([90.0], from [26.0] last week) Pre-Spitgate, "Bex" provided much needed comic relief in the house by being thick as a bucket of mud, but cheerful. She now resembles an infuriated teenager, and needs to stop sharing her "opinions" with the world. By bullying poor defenseless Kat, she didn't just shoot herself in the foot, she totally butchered both legs. She'll need a miracle to bounce back.

Fight Night Winners

Mario [30.0] . Thanks to the surprisingly aggressive nature of the younger housemates, Mario has transformed from the "funny guy at work" (i.e. not remotely funny), into a kind of in-house Gandalf. He showed a cool head during the dramas, and even managed to calm down a raging Mo. Firmly established as an important member of the house, he could yet surprise everyone. Apart from his fans, Ant and Dec, of course. They already knew he was brilliant.

Darnell [5.0] - Amongst the yammering paranoids, Darnell seems to be the most fair and clear headed (no offence intended). Fighting for the underdog - Mo - will have won him a big portion of the audience. A nice guy.

Mohamed [34.0] - Hard-to-dislike Mohamed has the look of a man who has spent his life unintentionally straying into the eye of the storm. He did nothing to warrant Dennis' saliva in his face, and he seems the least callous of the inmates. Will no doubt be nominated for weeks to come, but his lack of venom should see him safe.

Of the other housemates, Luke [15.5] needs to stop bitching, it's ruining his comic vibe, Lisa [75] should probably stop lying about her modeling credentials - there's just no need, we're not blind (except Mikey [15.0]) - and Rachel [14.5] and Kat [2.34] would be wise to show some depth beneath the happy-clappy cookie songs. Big Brother winners must be well-rounded.

As for Rex [24] - a total personality overhaul will be needed to keep him safe. Informing Bex of her fatness was probably his worst move yet - tubby girls can't forgive.

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1. Bebo | 30 June 2008

   You've obviously been reading Big Brother Online this morning!

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