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What will be a respectable score for Portugal?

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Betting experts Chicken Dinner take a light-hearted look at the New Zealand v Portugal match

New Zealand v Portugal, Sat 15 September 12:00
Portugal +110.5pts

New Zealand vs Portugal is going to be like pitbulls vs ducklings. But how spectacular will the carnage be?

1) Will New Zealand cover the spread?
2) In which minute will New Zealand score first?
3) How many tries will they score? (In their record win against Japan by 145-17, they scored 21 tries - and no penalties
4) Will Portugal get off the mark?
5) Will the first score be a try or a penalty?

The Trounce-o-meter
Choose the severity of the chaos that New Zealand will rain down on Portugal.

CATEGORY 5
Total vaporization bingo - The game you can only play a handful of times every four years. Can New Zealand score so many points and so often that they can fill all 10 boxes? (Only the last digit counts, so when NZ get to 21 points, tick off the 1; 34 points, that's the 4 gone. You can include Portugal's occasional penalty, but there probably won't be any.)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

CATEGORY 4
An historic humiliation -More than 164 points, which would be the highest points tally ever in international rugby (currently held by Hong Kong who trounced Singapore 164-13 in 1994).

CATEGORY 3
A wipeout - More than 145 points, the largest score ever racked up in the Rugby World Cup by, guess who, New Zealand against Japan in 1995.

CATEGORY 2
A severe slap - More than 110, the third largest score in World Cup history when England beat Uruguay by 111-13.

CATEGORY 1
Eating Portugal's lunch for them - Covering the spread, a margin that has only been beaten twice in World Cup history.

The Portuguese pluckiness rating

New Zealand have never played Portugal, but have thrashed nearly every team that has thrashed Portugal: in the last 15 years Portugal have lost to Romania 92-0; to Italy 82-0; to USA 61-5 and to Wales 102-11. So Portugal, a team of footwear salesmen, marketing managers and fishermen, face a monumental smackdown, but how much pluck can they muster? Your predictions, please...

Deserving of a national holiday: Scoring more than 11 points (the most points Portugal has ever scored against a major nation, in this case, Wales in 1994. Unfortunately they gave up 102 points in the process.)

Deserving of a letter of appreciation from Jose Mourinho: Holding New Zealand to a winning margin of fewer than 82 points (as they did against Italy (82-0), the only major nation they have played against in the last decade, prior to this World Cup.)

Deserving of two weeks in the Algarve: Keeping the Portuguese goalline exposed to fewer than 100 points. Despite their points spread of 110, New Zealand have only clocked 100 points three times in the last 20 years: 145 v Japan; 102 v Tonga; 101 v Italy.

Deserving of a single portion of bacalhau: Allowing second-string kickers, Leon Macdonald or Charles McAlistair to take the all-time RWC scoring record. Expect the mighty Dan Carter to be rested, so whichever one is chosen could beat Simon Culhane's remarkable international rugby debut when he scored 45 points (20 conversions and one try) against Japan. It wasn't enough to get him picked for the next match - or many more after that as he only played 5 more matches for New Zealand.