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"NEWS": Devilfish pronounced 'Dead on the Inside'

Emergency medical technicians admitted today that they were two years too late to resuscitate David 'Devilfish' Ulliott, who had apparently succumbed to a long battle with crippling disappointment.

After unsuccessful attempts to revive Ulliott's soul with a promise of a final table finish at the forthcoming WSOPE, Devilfish's was pronounced dead on the inside at the scene.
Paramedic, Kevin Baxter said: "If we could have got him before the Premier League began, we might have had a chance. No one can withstand that kind of emotional trauma."
Ulliott's soul is survived by his own hollow shell, which is expected to sleepwalk through a meaningless existence for the next thirty years.

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