Internationals / Jonathan Wilson / 19 June 2009 / 3 Comments

Jonathan Wilson talks us through the frustrations of having to endure 90 minutes of incessant noise coming from plastic horns and having to watch excessive play-acting from the likes of Egypt, which is a threat to nthe spirit of the game.

So the Confederations Cup has its first shock with Egypt beating Italy, meaning next Monday's meeting of Italy and Brazil will not be the dead rubber many feared it would be. Italy now need to get a better result in that game (they are [3.65] to win) than Egypt achieve against the USA if they are to progress. Italy are [2.6] to go through, Egypt [1.35].

On yesterday's showing there is no reason to believe the USA will provide much opposition; Brazil brushed them aside with the ease of a man flicking dandruff from his collar. Kaka, Robinho and Ramires were all excellent, and so too was Maicon, who is surely a better right-back than Dani Alves, the man he replaced. The Barcelona full-back may be a more exciting player with the ball at his feet, but Maicon is far superior defensively, does not have the tendency to concede needless free-kicks, and is a sublime crosser. With Dani, you
always feel a robust winger could get the better of him, as Florent Malouda did in that Champions League semi-final when Chelsea were defeated by Barcelona only in the last minute; Maicon is a proper defender.

That said, it will be fascinating to see how Egypt stand up to the physicality of the USA (Egypt [1.83] to win; USA [5.0]). The Italy midfielder Gennaro Gattuso, no shrinking violet himself, praised their toughness after the first game in the group, but the truth is that
there is something almost old-fashioned about their muscular approach. Given the biggest criticism of Egypt so far has been their willingness to feign injury, who knows what could happen if the pain is genuine.

Their time-wasting is becoming increasingly characteristic of the game in Africa and Asia: in the final 10-15 minutes of matches, next to no football is played because whichever side is losing constantly demands the ball be put out of play for players to receive treatment for
non-existent injuries. It was a constant frustration in the last African Cup of Nations, and led to the sending-off of Cameroon's Andre Bikey in the semi-final, as he barged over a Ghanaian medic whose frustration at Cameroon's gamesmanship had led him to drag a supposedly injured player onto his stretcher rather too brusquely.

Fifa must act before the time-wasting spreads: perhaps a regulation could be introduced that any player who requires treatment on the field must go off for three minutes - genuine injuries probably take that long to deal with anyway, while the fakers would be punishing
their own team.

The other great irritation of this tournament - the lack of decent coffee aside - has been the vuvuzelas, the metre-long plastic horns that, supposedly, make a noise like the lowing of an elephant when blown by fans. They are so universally hated they have become a
bonding process, as nations come together to moan about them. Dutch journalists have complained about them, German journalists have complained about them, British journalists have complained about them.Everybody hates them.

They make it sound like you're trapped in a giant jam jar with a swarm of bees. There's no tune, no rhythm, just an unregulated cacophony. Even the Spanish team have been complaining about them. "Those African trumpets?" said the Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso with a look of genuine disgust. "They make a terrible noise. I don't think it's a very good idea to have them on sale outside the grounds. Here's a piece of advice for Fifa: they should try to ban those things. It's not distracting but it's not nice to have that noise because it's a bit annoying."

There are claims that the vuvuzelas relate to the ancient horns that would be used to call a village meeting together, or that they are somehow connected to the myth that baboons will be killed by a lot of noise, and that they are an integral part of the South African fan
experience, but there is no evidence of them being used in football stadiums until the late nineties.

The plastic versions so common now are an even more recent phenomenon. "They've been around for about four years," said Mark Gleeson, the doyen of African football journalists. "This idea that they're part of the culture of South African football is just nonsense."

So there really is no reason not to ban them, something Fifa has tried before. For the sake of everybody's sanity next summer, they must try again.