Premier League At Christmas: What to buy the footballer who has everything?

Football Food For Thought / Dan Fitch / 22 December 2009 / Leave a Comment

Mr Wood is ready to see you now Arsene

"Arsene Wenger receives a one hour lecture from Ronnie Wood, who will be able to advise him how investing in youth, does not always work out. ."

One of the toughest things about Christmas is what to buy people, especially when they earn £100,000 a week. Dan 'The Betting Man' Fitch is on hand with some advice for those having to buy presents for footballers.

Christmas presents are difficult enough to buy at the best of time. In order to know what to buy someone, then you've got to get to take the trouble to find out their likes and dislikes. It all seems a bit of a waste of time when Boots vouchers are readily available.

Spare a thought though for the relatives of Premier League footballers. What do you buy for someone who earns an annual figure roughly akin to the nation debt of Greece?

To make the task a little easier for those unfortunate enough to have to buy a footballer a present this year, I've come up with some suggestions.

You would think that when someone earns £160,000 a week, then they couldn't possibly want anything more. If you read the News Of The World On Sunday though, then you'd know that this isn't the case for John Terry. So how about buying him a DVD of Wall Street, just so that he learns the lesson that greed isn't necessarily good?

For his Chelsea colleague Ashley Cole I'd buy some itunes vouchers, so that his wife's protégée Joe McEledery could have a chance of getting to number one in next week's chart. Speaking of being top in the charts, Chelsea are now the [1.82] favourites to win the league, despite their patchy form of late.

Over at Manchester United, I'd recommend a copy of Football Manager 2010 for Michael Owen, as this is the only medium in which he can be a regular starter for club and country.

Rio Ferdinand gets some gold, frankincense and merk, while Sir Alex gets a fit centre back. Like a lot of presents given on Christmas day, it will probably be broken by January. United are currently [4.1] to retain their title.

At United's neighbours City, Craig Bellamy gets a transfer to whatever team Mark Hughes pitches up at next. Roberto Mancini gets nothing, as he's already likely to receive £200m to buy whatever he wants. City are [3.0] to finish in the top four.

Arsene Wenger receives a one hour lecture from Ronnie Wood, who will be able to advise him how investing in youth, does not always work out. Arsenal are [1.2] to finish in the top four and [6.2] to win the league.

Harry Redknapp gets the autobiographies of Lester Piggott and Ken Dodd, just to prepare him for both possible eventualities of his tax case. Jermain Defoe gets the opportunity to play Wigan every week.

At Liverpool, Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres get some photographs of of Europe's most beautiful cities, as it's unlikely that they'll be visiting any of them next season. They also get everyone's sincere sympathy.

Their manager Rafa Benitez gets £20m and a glass display cabinet, in which he can keep Alberto Aquilani and another unnecessary purchase of his choice. Liverpool are now [3.05] to qualify for the Champions League.

Mick McCarthy at Wolves gets some better quality reserve players, so he doesn't get criticised so much when he plays them all against Manchester United again. Hull's Phil Brown gets a karaoke machine so he doesn't feel so inclined to sing on the last day of the season. Wolves are [2.4] to be relegated, with Hull the [1.54] favourites for the drop.

So if you've got to buy for a footballer or a manager this festive season, I hope that this has given you some pointers.

What they all really want of course is three points on Boxing Day. Unless your footballer plays in Italy, this is unfortunately the one present that money can't buy.

Merry Christmas everyone.