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City trembles as the Spanish Archer looms large

The City Slicker watches men throw themselves off buildings in Canary Wharf, as the banking crisis of 2008 begins to bite...

"You can't commit suicide," I say.

Jonny B turns around and looks hard at me. His eyes are red. His finger nails blunt. "I didn't know you cared," he splutters.

"I don't you idiot. But the windows are sealed shut. So you can't jump." He just stares at me.

"Some senior City figures described the outlook as the worst since the 1929 Wall Street Crash," says Brian from research.

I turn on the telly - George Bush is due to be addressing the economic globe. Here he comes. One minute, this is CBBC and its Wizardora. I change to CNN. Says Bush, "The United States is on top of the situation. We've taken strong and decisive action. The Federal Reserve has moved quickly to bring order to the financial market."

I'm hearing him alright. And I see the shares tumble. RBS are down 29p at 304¾p and Barclays have fallen 40½p to 392½p.

Could be worse - could have shares in Bear Stearns. Brian comes to life again. He tells us that Stearns was bought by JP Morgan for $2 a share. I look at the screen. Last January a share of BS would have cost you $169.

BS? No BS. JP bought the whole thing for $240m.

And now problems with the Brothers - Lehman Bothers. I use my usual cutting wit to ask Brian if the Arsenal goalkeeper has a brother.

Who's next is the question we're all secretly and not-so-secretly wandering as we look out the window at our surroundings? If buildings had emotions, these bricks would be dripping sweat right now. Morgan Stanley shares fell by 8%, Merrill Lynch down 5%, Citigroup down 6%. The phone is not busy.

I look out the window, tis a long way down. I can see the Bear mob standing by the Slug and Lettuce and All Bar One.It must be the wake. I see a BS banker I never got on with. "Jonny B," I say. "If you do jump, see that geyser in the blue pinstriped suit and the slick-backed hair. Can you try and land on him?"

"Johnny? Johnny...."

Kerching