ICC Champions Trophy / Ralph Ellis / 24 September 2009 / Leave a comment

In a report leaked to the Indian press it has been revealed that Gary Kirsten's fitness guru has encouraged the Indian ODI team, currently playintg in the ICC Champions Trophy, to have as much sex as possible. Ralph Ellis gives us his take on the matter.

"Kirsten’s report says abstinence actually reduces aggression because it causes testosterone levels to drop. He’ll presumably want his side to be at it like rabbits for the next couple of nights, then, because they couldn’t start with a more hostile match than when they play Pakistan on Saturday. "

It's the age of sports science. I was chatting yesterday to one Premier League player, who shall remain nameless, and he was bemoaning the way the fitness gurus have taken over the training ground. "We're in silly hours, all day long, being told what we can do, and what we can and can't eat, and at times I feel like going out for a pizza just to protest," he told me.

Maybe he'd be happier if his club employed the same boffins as the Indian cricket team! Their "mental conditioning expert" Paddy Upton has just produced a guideline for their Champions Trophy tour which tells them their performance will be improved if they have "as much sex as possible". While Fabio Capello is banning WAGS from England's football World Cup campaign in South Africa, it seems India's coach Gary Kirsten will be inviting all the girls along - plus a few extras - to party!

The report was inevitably leaked to the Indian press, and some of our papers have picked up on it today. In a chapter entitled "Does six increase performance?" the report concludes: "Yes, it does".

Now I did wonder if this would also apply to writing columns, but Mrs Ellis was less inclined to help with the research this morning. (Editor's note: It shows). But it does raise an old debate.

Holland's great football team of the 1970s used to turn up at World Cups with all the wives and families in tow, and it somehow seemed to add to the flair and magic of Johann Cruyff's "total football" team. Boxers, on the other hand, have always locked themselves away in training camp with the idea it would build up their aggression on fight night. British legend Henry Cooper, in fact, once blamed a defeat on staying at home when he was in training. "I would get up to go running at 4am and the wife would say: "Henry, it's raining, I'll make you a nice cup of tea'", he admitted.

Kirsten's report says abstinence actually reduces aggression because it causes testosterone levels to drop. He'll presumably want his side to be at it like rabbits for the next couple of nights, then, because they couldn't start with a more hostile match than when they play Pakistan on Saturday. They are [1.86] favourites and that should be a good chance to win enough to take the other half out for a meal in the evening. You never know what might come next!

On a serious note, the very fact Kirsten is compiling such documents is a sign of the way the South African who played 101 Tests has brought a new professionalism to India's dressing room since he took over. A Test series win over Australia was proof of how he's blending the country's talents together, and at [7.2] they represent decent value to win the Champions Trophy. If nothing else, they should be capable of bowling a few maidens over!

Five things you might not know about Gary Kirsten

1. Born in Cape Town in 1967, father Noel appeared 18 times for Border as a wicket keeper/batsman. His half brother Peter also played for South Africa, while another brother Paul and another half brother Andrew both played first class cricket

2. In his autobiography he admitted knowing all about Hanse Cronje's efforts at match fixing, and blamed himself for failing to speak out

3. He writes a letter to every member of the Indian team after each day's play as a motivational tool

4. He scored 275 against England in 1999 and took 14 and a half hours doing it - which is still the second longest innings in terms of time in Test history

5. He also holds the record for the highest score made by a South African in a one-day international - 188 not out against the United Arab Emirates in the 1996 World Cup. Wonder what he was doing the night before . . . . .

Tags: Gary Kirsten, ICC Champions Trophy, Indian cricket team, Indian cricket team sex, Sachin Tendulkar