2009 Ashes / Frank Gregan / 29 June 2009 / Leave a comment

Frank Gregan gives us his take on the England cricket team's latest team-bonding venture and gives us a few suggestions of his own as to what they should have done instead.

So the cat is out the bag, or perhaps a better description would be "the soldier is out of the trench" as England's secret bonding session proved to be a visit to the battlefields of World War One.

This is a heavy subject and I understand the need to choose the words carefully when commentating on the latest John Buchanan-inspired motivational exercise. Okay - here goes, how about "pants, drivel, rubbish, tosh and garbage!"

The English were following the example set by the Australian team in 2001 (coached by Buchanan) that visited Gallipoli to seek inspiration from their fallen. To honour our dead and those who sacrificed their lives in order that we can live free is commendable, to do it as a photo op and a 'team bonding' session was in poor taste.

It is exploitation of a generation that gave their lives in the service of their country. If the trip had been done quietly away from the cameras and silent tributes paid to fellow cricketers who had perished (and the English team were given time to reflect on how blessed they are) then perhaps there might just have been some justification for the visit. But that was never going to be the case - it was a PR exercise.

The quotes from management after the event were cheesier than a four-cheese pizza with extra Mozzarella! Andy Flower said, "This visit was part of ongoing efforts designed to broaden horizons and learn more about the role of leadership and team ethics. Everyone came away from the visit with a greater understanding of what it really means to stand shoulder to shoulder and fight for your country. We hope it will help strengthen our own bonds within the team as we prepare for what should be a very exciting Ashes series."

Apart from making one want to reach for a bucket, it begs the question of what goes on in Flower's head. Does he really believe that standing at the base of a ladder preparing to go over the top to engage in a futile dawn attack whilst facing almost certain death is comparable to playing a game of cricket? The Aussies have a bit of pace in their attack but it is unlikely to be as quick as the muzzle velocity of a German machine gun! It was a misguided exercise and even if the intentions were good it has once again left the ECB looking naive.

So what were the alternatives for the "team bonding" exercise? In fairness, the management's options were somewhat limited. They could hardly divide the squad into two and have a paintballing day - they would be running the risk of KP's back being hit more than his front! Similarly they could not do a sniping exercise - they have been involved in one of those for the last six months!

Watersports were out - Freddie and pedalos are hardly a match made in heaven - and a boot camp is not ideal preparation for a squad that doesn't start work until eleven o'clock in the morning! This is not a radical suggestion, not thinking laterally or outside of the box. It probably isn't an idea that has a "goal driven multi level concept" but why didn't they just stay at Loughborough, practice in the nets until they dropped and then sit in a locked room watching DVDs of the 2005 series whilst getting bladdered?

That's old school thinking and one member of the England cricket team that has probably never been subjected to that kind of bonding is Stuart Broad. He is turning into a superb talent and a big Ashes series will result in him losing his "potential" tag and see him stake a claim as his country's top bowler. Odds of [6.0] should be attainable on him being the top English bowler in the series and that represents very good value, particularly as he's one of the few pace bowlers who doesn't have fitness question marks over his head.

Finally, it is rumoured that at least half a dozen of the English squad were disappointed when they arrived in Belgium. When they were told they were to visit Flanders they thought they were making a guest appearance on the Simpsons!