Jack Houghton's Betting Challenge: Week two - American Football

Other / Jack Houghton / 22 August 2009 / Leave a Comment

The Baltimore Ravens will be carrying Jack's money this week.

"The reasoning is varied and complicated. Try and keep up. Initially, I was going to back the Jets: because when I was a boy I was given an American football which bore their club name. And anyway, I always thought Riff – the leader of the Jets in West Side Story – showed a lot of pluck."

The superhuman performances of Usain Bolt and a disappointing one by Pamela Jerimo in the 800m mean Jack Houghton didn't get off to the best possible start. But on he perseveres, this week turning his attentions to American Football.

A drearier start to this pilgrimage of punting deification one could not have imagined. That blasted Bolt. What's his problem? Here am I trying to eke out a small profit from the World Championships, and along he comes with his arms, dancing feet, and utter dominance. What's a pundit to do?

As for Pamela Jelimo. She just gave up. Ooh, my ankle hurts. Daddy, daddy, someone spiked me. Man-up lady. This ain't show friends; it's show business. Take a lead from eventual 800m winner Caster Semenya. Now there's an athlete who showed some spunk.

The worst of it is all the told-you-so sniggering emanating from those editorial nudniks at Betfair HQ. One even had the gall to text me after Bolt's 200m win to ask how the challenge was going. PAH! Now listen here all you doubters: it wasn't the most convincing of starts - I accept that - but we're only £26 down. Nothing more than start-up costs really: like buying sackcloth before heading out on one of those religious pilgrimages. We'll all be worshipping before a statue of the great punting god Houghton before you know it; sucking the milk of profit from its plentiful teat.

I'm especially confident, because this week we move on to American Football: a sport I know absolutely nothing about. How do you even begin to understand a game in which men who wear tight trousers and shoulder-pads - who look like overweight, homosexual backing-singers in a new romantics' revival band - periodically throw a ball around, touching each other and grunting in the process? This isn't something to punt on; it's a porno.

Still, people apparently do understand it; and they bet on it too. And I've been doing my research. The upshot is that the Baltimore Ravens, at [1.66], are value to beat the New York Jets on Monday night. I'm having £20 on them.

The reasoning is varied and complicated. Try and keep up. Initially, I was going to back the Jets: because when I was a boy I was given an American football which bore their club name. And anyway, I always thought Riff - the leader of the Jets in West Side Story - showed a lot of pluck. But then I started reading about the team. Man, are they not taking this pre-season malarkey seriously.

All the other teams appear to be working hard on technical aspects of the game - practising "situations" and "plays" (although there seems great debate about whether it's better to practise one, or the other, or both) - but the gadabouts in the Jets just aren't showing the same professionalism.

First they schedule a practice, and then they cancel it. When they do eventually deign to turn up, they spend half the time doing skits and orchestrating a team vote to decide the ugliest squad-member. Sure, sure, some of you soft hearted know-nothings will think this all a sound approach to building early-season team morale, but can you imagine Sir Alex Ferguson countenancing such shenanigans? Not a chance - much to Wayne Rooney's relief. No, pre-season training is exactly that: a time to train, and train hard. The Jets won't be winning on Monday with such a slip-shod grounding behind them. Anyway, I never did like that ball much. And, come to think of it, Pepe might have been my favourite, and he was a Shark. Not an actual shark you understand. That would be ridiculous.

Before I go, a quick word on some of the practical aspects of this challenge. Each bet will be diligently recorded at Betfair HQ, with a spreadsheet published below from time to time to allow all to witness my glorious and refulgent ascent to punting god. All winning bets will have commission applied at five per cent and all recommended prices will be scrutinised to ensure they were matched at the odds requested. Oh yeah, and the value of any investment can go down as well as up. But don't worry about that my children, just believe.

This week's bet:

£20 BACK of Baltimore Ravens at [1.66]